Ladyhawkhollow

Carpe diem... not much different...

2012-02-13T03:00:00.000-08:00

...from what's becoming my everyday routine...

Laundry

Work on projects

I will be incorporating a few new things into my REAL program, ie, a few more exercises and working to shave off time from my walk. I can't run (my physical therapist would have my hide), but walking faster is something I've been working toward. I also need to increase the number of days from four to six. I need a day of rest. God already arranged it: Sunday.

Anything new?

Last Saturday, I attended the Renaissance Festival with one of my LOTR friends. Every year, we attend opening day together. The group used to be much larger, but now it's down to only the two of us. We go in costume, and enjoy a relaxing day of seeing a few shows, visiting people with whom we've become acquainted in the different shops, and wandering around to look at everything there is. We had someone stop us and ask to take our picture. Sure. My friend is a collector, and I enjoy shamelessly encouraging their hobby.

Playtime is over, and it's time to settle into work again.

This one's from my Funny Cat photos widget:

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #90

2012-02-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Chris Tomlin's Indescribable

~Life changing experiences.

~Amazing opportunities, no matter how scary.

~Fantastic people who help without criticizing or demeaning.

~God's guiding hand.

Love FaceBook, so many inspirational pictures....

My Heroes... Jimmy Thomas...

2012-02-11T03:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, my sister took several pictures, but this is my favorite.

Yes, I've mentioned him before, from time to time, especially this past week. I've even had him as one of my early heroes. Now, I've met him. If you don't like fan-girl type gushing, then I suggest skipping today's post. This is for me.

First impression: He is gorgeous.

I watched my friend Deena Remiel speak with him, so at ease, and wished I were someone else. Someone with fewer issues, about a lot of things. My sister had offered to take pictures. It's why he was there, to take pictures with anyone who wanted one.

My anxiety was already escalating being in such a crowded venue. Yes, I have difficulties in crowds and unfamiliar situations and surroundings, not to mention men. I hadn't eaten much for breakfast, crackers and a breakfast drink, early in the morning, with the hope of not embarrassing myself.

My sister found a fellow photo enthusiast, and they began chatting. I stood with them, only half listening, as I watched Deena and Jimmy chat.

The anxiety began to climb, and I knew if I wanted to meet him I'd have to do it soon, or I'd drag my sister away, and leave, without making any attempt to meet him.

Important note: I'm one of his "harem." The harem was started by Shannon, and bless her she posts pictures of Jimmy throughout the day. She also posts inspirational quotes. When the harem found out I would be at the Chocolate Affaire, they demanded I come back with pictures to share.

Would they kick me out of the harem, if I didn't at least try? Yes, I'm being facetious. I was trying to work up the courage, but I also knew they would be disappointed.

Then I hit on a plan I knew I could live with and dated me terribly: I walked up and asked Deena to introduce us. She did. Bless her. She wondered if she'd used the right name (real or pen), and I admitted he would only know me from the harem (real name), so to speak. He was kind. His hug was warm and gentle.

I felt safe.

Because I'd worked up the courage, my sister also came over, and he shook her hand. He was respectful and considerate.

Bless Deena, again, we were able to chat for a while. He took pictures with me, his arm around me, and with Deena and with both of us. It was fun. It was huge for someone with my past.

I felt safe.

It was interesting to watch him interact with people. He didn't push anyone to interact with him. He allowed them to approach him, and proceeded to charm them. He has a remarkable gift for putting others at ease, and the honor to not take advantage of such a powerful gift.

There is about him a quiet, gentle strength.

I felt safe.

He didn't mind giving me another hug when I left. He was kind.

He is gorgeous, from the inside out.

Game Changer...

2012-02-10T03:00:00.000-08:00

Last weekend was a game changer: Life Changing.

In truth, this week has been one life change after another or building on the ones occurring.

On Saturday, I met Jimmy Thomas. Most people don't know what this means to me. I'll be writing about it, tomorrow, in more depth. Yes, I've had him as one of my heroes before, but it was before I met him.

On Sunday, I read this: Casa Blanca Authors had a post by Anne Elizabeth: http://casablancaauthors.blogspot.com/2012/02/happy-super-bowl-sunday-by-anne.html

The Navy SEALs have also made a huge difference in my life. No, I don't know any, but I've read Marcus Luttrell's Lone Survivor and Dick Couch's The Warrior Elite, and SEAL of Honor is next on the list.

Monday, one of my FaceBook friends, met because of Jimmy, posted an article about bodybuilding. No, I don't plan to pursue it, but it had some great suggestions I could modify to fit and help me. I'm tired of being overweight. She also gave me a lot of ideas of other things I could do to implement the changes I want.

Tuesday, I decided I'd had enough of secrets.

Wednesday, I signed up for my first writers' conference. A friend emailed inviting me to attend the Ren Faire this weekend, in costume, of course.

Thursday, I bought a Kindle as a reward for going through with my eye appointment. I was seriously stressing. No, nothing is wrong, but it doesn't keep me from imagining the worst. I also met with a couple of my writing friends for lunch. It was delightful! I gave two people business cards at Sam's Club. After looking at myself in the mirror to put in my new contacts, I knew I had to make more changes. I didn't like what I saw. My sister has taken pictures giving me a peek into what she sees. I like it. I want it. So I came home and emailed my niece, who is a Mary Kay consultant and has fun with fashion, and asked her to help me. She suggested meeting me at a salon, in a half hour. EEP! I confessed I wasn't quite THAT ready. We're meeting this weekend to chat. Four in the afternoon to midnight, I fought with my Kindle, but I did prevail. Whoohoo!! I read for five minutes, and let it go to sleep, so I could go to sleep.

It's Friday, and I have to do the work I didn't do yesterday and become more familiar with my Kindle.

Week Thirty-Three of REAL...

2012-02-09T06:00:00.000-08:00

The 3rd: weigh in: 233.6 lb. Not bad considering what I ate last night. I'll do better, today.

The 4th: weigh in: 235.2 lb. No surprise there. Yesterday wasn't great either. I was stressing. Today, my sister and I attended the Chocolate Affaire. I enjoyed Deena Remiel's workshop, and meeting Jimmy Thomas. The man is truly gorgeous, from the inside out. We stood and walked around for over four hours. I don't think it actually qualifies for the walking I'm endeavoring to achieve, but the stress of being in a crowd had my heart rate through the roof, so I'm counting it. So there. Did I say that out loud?

The 5th: weigh in: 234.2 lb. Took myself for a one-mile walk, this morning. I miss being outside first thing in the morning. For five years, every morning, I went out and cared for my horse. I miss my horse, but I'm realizing I also miss that time I spent in talking with God. It's hard to put on airs when you're shoveling horse manure.

The 6th: weigh in: 234.6 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. In keeping with my plan to increase by 10%, my rep has been increased from 10 to 11. Hey! It's a start! Two-mile walk. Another SEAL puppy rep. I don't think I mentioned anywhere about being worried Jimmy was eating. He's a romance cover novel and a fitness model. I don't think I mentioned the last. Yes, he understands health, and taking care of himself. I caught myself wanting to mother him, and wanted to slap a hand over my mouth. I don't really want to mother him. I look at myself, and then I look at him, and I need to stop talking and listen to what he's telling me about taking care of myself. Yes, he's one of my health mentors, though he doesn't know it. Physical therapy, with weights, and up from 30 to 33 reps. I'm attending Desert Dreamin' in June. I'm setting myself a challenge, with the help of my friend Shannon, to lose 20 pounds between now and then. I'm going to start the count at 235. Go. Go! GO! Whatever.

The 7th: weigh in 234.2 lb. Following Shannon's advice, I dressed nice, did my hair in a more updated style, and spritzed on a little perfume. Wow.

The 8th: weigh in: 232.4 lb. SEAL puppy rep, to 11. Two-mile walk. Another SEAL puppy rep, to 11. Physical therapy with 1-lb weights to 33. I didn't sleep well, last night. I felt like I had ants under my skin. I finally drifted off around three in the morning. I still woke up and went for my walk. While I walked I was able to connect the feeling to the cause: adrenalin rush. Telling the parents I'm a writer was not easy. It turned out about as I expected, though not quite as I expected. I should have taken myself for a walk, but it was already eight o'clock at night. I could have done physical therapy, and it would have helped. I really need to learn to remember to use exercise more to my advantage. It's an old habit to try to be still. Sort of an, if I hold very still then no one will see me or notice me and maybe I'll be safe.

The 9th: weigh in: 233.6 lb. Waist circumference: 39.5". So, I've ended up where I started this week. Bah! Dressed nice for the day. A bit of perfume. Worth. I remember when my friend Jan gave it to me, to remind me I was of worth. I cried. It still warms my heart. I keep the bottle on my bookshelf beside my computer, where I see it every day.

More bits and bobs....

2012-02-08T03:00:00.000-08:00

5 Random Things About Me:

1. I've owned a dog and a horse. I miss them both.
2. I'm incredibly reserved, and yet I can be a real chatterbox.
3. I've sewn a cathedral window quilt, for a king-size bed, which I don't own, and my sister started it.
4. Asking me not to write would be tantamount to asking me not to breathe.
5. I have met and have autographed pictures of cover model Jimmy Thomas, composer Howard Shore, and actors Elijah Wood and Sean Astin (Frodo and Sam).

I finally told my parents about my writing.

If you have to ask, you aren't. I'm not.

Wow... I've been given an award...

2012-02-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

From Leigh Covington. She's a writer. Thanks, Leigh. This was a pleasant surprise.

The Liebster blog award is given to "little" bloggers, those with 200 followers or less, with the idea that the awardee share with other little bloggers.

The rules for the award are: 1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog. 2. Link back to the blogger who awarded/nominated you. 3. Copy and paste the blog award to your blog. 4. Reveal your top blog picks! I've seen it listed as 5 and 3. I chose 5. 5. Drop by your top picks and let them know you chose them by commenting on their blog!

My own rule: I gave myself a week to follow through. I realize a couple of my favorite bloggers are feeling swamped right now, but I wanted to share them anyway. Please don't feel obligated to do this. It's for fun. If it isn't fun, the point is being missed.

Passing along the award to more amazing bloggers:

We Are One My sister's site... she's DID and battling and winning over depression.

You Don't Have to Dance for Them Upsi has created a remarkable space for discussing ACoN.

The Craft Ladies of Romance is a blog written by a group of Christian Romance writers.

Nothing but Writing is written by a friend who is unpublished currently, but working along.

The Hardest Battles is another blog about surviving as an ACoN. I found Kiki because of Upsi. In fact, they both have links listed to a lot of great blogs.

Carpe diem... a bit of fun...

2012-02-06T03:00:00.000-08:00

Working, working, working...

Whatever else is done is done.

Is this adorable or what? Jimmy Thomas at the Chocolate Affaire. Thanks, Ruth, for the pictures. Yes, I'll be posting about this, off and on, for the next week. I learned a lot from the experience.

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #89

2012-02-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Worth remembering http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSrAJsWvEIc&feature=related If not now, when?

How funny that I chose this a while ago for today's post. It is so fitting. Right now. Thanks, God.

~Thanks, Ruth, for teaching me how stupid computers are. I was writing a post, and blogger was taking a really long time to save. So I copied the post and pasted it elsewhere, and then tried to save. Blogger, bless their pointed heads, required me to sign back in, and lost it!! Because I learned from a very smart woman, I opened the post and pasted in everything I'd written. So there. :-)

~Beautiful weather, especially for an outside event.

~My Desert Rose chapter. I am so honored to be a part of such an incredible group of people.

~Jimmy Thomas.

My Heroes... Soldier's Angels...

2012-02-04T03:00:00.000-08:00

Well, actually, all the amazing wonderful groups that support our troops. God bless them and the work they do. Some of the groups include Wounded Warriors, USO, Packages From Home, GreenBeansCoffee, and so many more. I've wanted to do something, but I'm living on savings and don't have any particular skills. For example, Wounded Warriors is looking to staff. I read through what they need. I don't qualify. I've been discouraged. This week, I discovered that Soldier's Angels has a Wish List at Amazon! I can do that! And I did. :-)

I finished reading The Warrior Elite The Forging of SEAL Class 228 by Dick Couch, who was himself a BUD/S graduate of class 45. AMAZING!

God bless our troops.

The only constant in life is...

2012-02-03T03:00:00.000-08:00

...change.

I've noticed Blogger has changed the comment section. One is now able to reply specifically to a comment. Cool.

Promotional video for the Desert Dreams Writer's Conference, compliments of Kris Tualla, on You Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flYALSZdmDk

Did you know that the groundhog tradition is less reliable than a coin toss?

I'm feeling scattered. Can you tell?

Ugh.

I'm on day 10 of my cold. The runny nose is over. Thank goodness. The stuffy head is not over. The voice is iffy. The brain is still mostly absent, and I have to keep functioning.

While I'm feeling completely inept and unproductive because some projects I need to work on aren't seeing any progress, I have to admit I've accomplished quite a bit. I'm still sleeping a lot more than I usually do.

Trying a different tact. Instead of beating myself up over not accomplishing anything, I'm going to anticipate only accomplishing the minimum. Work has to be done. No questions. It's half done now. What should have taken a couple of hours I spent a whole workday doing, and only finished half. Should have been a clue.

I did gather all my tax information and deliver it to my accountant. Done. Whoohoo!! Not that it's good news, but putting it off will not make it better. So shut up, buck up, and get it done. Done.

Epic fail in the eating healthy department. I love Cheese Fix Munchies. I divided part of the bag among six containers, but finished the rest of the bag, along with four more Dove Promises pieces. Success anywhere in sight? I didn't eat the whole bag of chips. I really did leave the six servings alone. And I didn't eat an entire bag of Dove Promises, only what was left in an already open bag that I have been very good about parceling out in single servings. So, it was good I wasn't as bad as I could have been, and have been in the past, but I'm going to feel this binge tomorrow.

Made a couple of decisions, but haven't found the wherewithal to carry them out. I'm not going to beat myself up over it, much. I don't know why I feel like I have to work up the courage to carry them through, but I do. Maybe because they're new. Doesn't really matter, I suppose. I'll get it done, eventually.

I did arrange for an eye appointment. It's time is all. Overdue, in fact.

Crawling into bed early because I'm having trouble stringing together more than two sentences at a time.

Week Thirty-Two of REAL...

2012-02-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

The 27th: weigh in: 232.6 lb. Feeling a bit better, today. Thank you, God, for Gypsy Cold Care tea. I find it incredibly helpful.

The 28th: weigh in: 232.4 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-mile walk or thereabouts, calling it an hour, total 60 minutes. Maybe less, but may be more. Two more SEAL puppy reps. Physical therapy, with weights. Okay, I finished reading about Hell Week, in The Warrior Elite by Dick Couch. The last week of First Phase in becoming a Navy SEAL. I am such a wimp. Having confessed the truth, I'm also headed toward a half decade of life. Then again, I would never have been able to do what they do. Ever. God bless 'em.

The 29th: weigh in: 232.6 lb.

The 30th: weigh in: 233.2 lb. Two SEAL puppy reps. Two-mile walk, 40 minutes, total 100 minutes. Two more SEAL puppy reps. Physical therapy, with weights.

The 31st: weigh in 232.2 lb. Mike, dad of the amazing Andrew, suggested only adding 10% each week to the reps. That's what his team does. I'm going to try. It doesn't feel nearly as daunting as trying to double my reps, as little as my reps are.

February

The 1st: weigh in: 233.2 lb. Two SEAL puppy reps. One-mile walk, 20 minutes, total of 120 minutes. Two more SEAL puppy reps. Physical therapy, with weights, adding 10%.

The 2nd: weigh in: 232.8 lb. Waist circumference: 39.5". Going back down. Did something somewhere causing some back pain. All it takes is favoring one side over the other. For example, I had stepped on something and hurt my foot. Nothing traumatic, but it was enough for me to favor, ever so slightly, one side over the other, and my back notices. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Whether or not the groundhog saw his shadow, in six weeks, it's going to be six weeks later. What will I accomplish in those six weeks?

German Chocolate Cake!!

2012-02-01T03:00:00.002-08:00

Yes, I bought a single piece of German Chocolate Cake. It was so big, I divided it, and had it two days in a row. Whoohoo!! It was fun. Half on the last day in January, and half on the first day of February. Maybe I'll start a new tradition. It's a whole lot more fun to look forward to than pulling my tax stuff together.

Here are a couple of posts I enjoyed this past week: Diane Gaston's about Coaching Inns: http://dianegaston.com/blog/2012/01/coaching-inn/comment-page-1/

http://writersinthestorm.wordpress.com/2012/01/25/what-to-look-for-in-2012-the-year-of-the-dragon/

Desert Rose meeting was fun. One of my dearest friends attended with me. I'm feeling much more a part, but then I've finally thrown myself in. Makes me think of the SEALs having to get wet and sandy. They have to throw themselves in 110%. I can't do what they do, but I can do what I can do, pushing myself a little more from week to week.

Goodbye January, Hello February...

2012-01-31T03:00:00.000-08:00

I admit it: January and February are the most difficult times of the year for me, for numerous reasons.

I survived the holidays without going ballistic. A great achievement, but difficult to consider praiseworthy or even worth celebrating, since the implication is a bit dark in nature.

Finances are driven home. A nice way of saying I have to gather my tax stuff together and prepare to see my accountant. Never a happy occasion, even though I do like my accountant, who's a very nice person.

The longest, most tortuous month is before me. February. As much as a struggle as the holidays are, Valentine's Day is the toughest day on the planet, especially for someone who is single. The choice isn't because I wouldn't like to be in a relationship but because I'm not healthy enough to sustain a relationship. I'm much better about making and maintaining boundaries, but the man/woman kind was the first one violated, and the most difficult for me understand still. And if that isn't enough to discourage me, when would I have time now?

So, here's to being half way through. Only 29 more days to go. Great. An extra day this year. March will see things start to improve. I don't know why. I only know January and February are my toughest months of the year. I've stopped fighting it, and try to prepare as best I'm able.

Breathe in. Breathe out. There is no going around. There is only through. Blessedly, I have a circle of awesome friends who will help me. Thank God.

Carpe diem... first things first...

2012-01-30T03:00:00.000-08:00

Please, God, help me recover from this whatever it is, though I think it might be a cold. The weather did the bounce into the 70s and then down into the 50s, and I don't handle it well. Ever. If I'm going to end up with a cold, this is usually how it happens. Crumbs. Thank God for Gypsy Cold Care tea. It helps me, without the unpleasant side effect of a sinus infection, which is what happens to me when I use over-the-counter cold products, like Tylenol Cold.

The main thing to accomplish today: GET WELL. Though if it's a cold, I'll simply have to allow it to run its course, but I can keep it from becoming worse. So rest, fluids, and Gypsy Cold Care. Check.

I do have a project I need to work on. Deadline is coming.

I want to finish reading The Warrior Elite. Today will be a good day to do it.

Anything else I accomplish will be icing on the cake....

....mmmmmmmmm cake... I love cake... cake in milk... German Chocolate cake... in milk...

Squirrel!

Update: Still have a cold. Didn't finish project, but did move forward. Didn't finish The Warrior Elite, but further along in the book. And that stupid squirrel is still racing around. Alas, no cake either.

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #88

2012-01-29T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Inspiration from other bloggers, who lift my spirit, and help me hold true to my faith. Nikon Sniper posted this last night, and it was another breadcrumb to remind me I'm headed in the right direction. Nikon Sniper: Are You Hiring A New Manager?

~Yummy breakfast and chat with my sister.

~Fun mail.

~Good health. How often does one take that for granted? Then you have a headache, stuffy head, sore throat, and a cough, and feeling better is miraculous. Not well, but being able to think is such a blessing.

~From The Warrior Elite by Dick Couch, page 168: [When asked why they quit BUD/S] Many said, "I lost my motivation," as if it were a pair of reading glasses they had simply misplaced for a moment.

How often have I treated my motivation like it was some object to be lost or found? Instead of blaming some ambiguous something for the loss, I need to ask myself what has changed. What decision did I make that took precedence over my self-motivation?

For example, I've been looking at the same chapter all day. I did this on Thursday, and never did work it out. I opened the chapter on Friday, and kept looking at the same chapter. I moved words around, cut and paste, edited, and rearranged. It was evening before the first paragraph became three, and everything fell into place, and I finished editing five chapters before going to bed. Now, I'm again staring at the same chapter I've been staring at all day. Something isn't right. I was feeling discouraged. What happened to my motivation? Nothing. My motivation is there, and it's strong, or I would have closed the document and done something else. I simply haven't worked through the problem, but I will.

I've gone from helpless victim of fickle fate (or muse if you prefer) to empowered creator, turning the phrases until they are exactly as they are meant to be.

My Heroes... Penny Jordan...

2012-01-28T03:00:00.000-08:00

Penny Jordan was a romance writer for Harlequin. She past away, December 31, 2011, from cancer. She was only 65 years old. This is the article at The Washington Post.

Why do I mention her, now?

As I was sorting through papers, I unearthed my magazine "Simply Books," put out by Harlequin. This was the most recent issue, Oct 2011-Jan 2012 issue.

A regular feature, which is always printed at the end, is a one-page question and answer article that spotlights a different author in every issue. It's appropriately called, "The Last Word." Poignantly, this one was "The Last Word with Penny Jordan."

When I saw it, my first thought was that it was incredible timing. Perhaps they knew, and planned accordingly. I don't know. It doesn't really matter. What was important to me was that this interview took place before Oct, in order to be ready for print in the magazine. It was fun to learn her favorite flower was lavender, since I love it, too. I especially like it's healing and calming properties. But that still wasn't what made me catch my breath.

"How many books have you written? I think it's about 185--I can't wait to reach number 200." If you read the article, you saw she reached her goal. Amazing.

What a priceless gift to inspire another to reach higher.

Evaluation...

2012-01-27T03:00:00.000-08:00

All I ever wanted was to marry and have children, a family of my own. It didn't happen. I was unhappy for a long time, until I was willing to let go of that dream and choose another, a dream that depended on me. This past year, I was finally able to realize that what I REALLY wanted, all along, was to be a blessing to others and to myself. It changed my world. I'm single, poor as a church mouse, screwed up in a lot of ways, but never happier, because every day, sometimes with a lot of effort, I am a blessing. Every day, I'm exactly what I want to be, if only for a moment.

From FaceBook came my new mantra: Follow your heart, but bring your brain along.

I find myself in a difficult position. Finances are tight. I've been told about job opportunities in my old career. It would mean I'd have an income immediately, but it also means I wouldn't spend as much time on my current career. I worry about money, especially with what I have dwindling. It's a practical concern. I think of the story about the drowning victim complaining God didn't save him, and God replying, "I sent you a log, a boat, and a helicopter. What more did you want?" Am I drowning and ignoring the log, the boat, and the helicopter? Or am I being asked, "Are you going to give up what you want most for what you can have right now?"

Why didn't I see this before? Maybe I should ask, "Why didn't I believe this before?"

Right now, it is not a good time for me to take on something new. I'm feeling swamped as it is. Why don't I trust that when I'm ready God will provide what I need?

My decision made, my desire to binge has stopped.

I feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Oh.

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come unto me, ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
"For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Week Thirty-One of REAL...

2012-01-26T05:50:00.000-08:00

The 20th: weigh in: 235.6 lb. Knowing what I ate, yesterday, I'm not surprised. I stressed. Really stressed. Even though I'm still stressing, today will be better. I'm killing myself, and it has to stop.

The 21st: weigh in: 235.6 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Three-mile walk, total 60 minutes. One more SEAL puppy rep.

The 22nd: weigh in: 235.4 lb. Once I reach 230 lb, I will clean out my closet of all my fattest clothes.

The 23rd: weigh in: 236 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Half-mile walk, 15 minutes, total 75 minutes. I'll be lucky if I hit 150 minutest, this week. Really. There are days, and there are days, and this past week has been one of them. Not beating myself up. One more SEAL puppy rep. Physical therapy, with weights.

The 24th: weigh in 235.4 lb. Sorting through papers, I found one on which I'd written: Today starts a new REAL, based on building my self-esteem, to see how that affects my weight. My weight was 239.2 lb, on July 17, 2011. Really, I'm not doing too badly. I haven't seen 239 in quite a while. This is good. I am making progress. Not fast progress, but progress none the less. On the same sheet of paper, I wrote: I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm afraid of being wrong. Yep. I'm still afraid of that. I'm eating, today, was terrible. I'm feeling really stressed. Not sure why. Oh, wait, had to deal with finances this week. Tomorrow will be better.

The 25th: weigh in: 235 lb. Wow. Didn't expect that. One SEAL puppy rep. One-mile walk, 25 minutes, yes, it's that kind of week, with a total of 100 minutes. Half. It's okay. I knew it would be a tough week.

The 26th: weigh in: 235 lb. Waist circumference: 40". Sigh. It's okay. It was a rough week. Actually, it was a pretty rough week, so I did really good. A lot was going on, and I felt out of control most of the past week. In fact, yesterday, was the first day in over a week when I was careful about what I ate. Yep, only made half the 200 minutes, but I did make half. Today, I start again. I will do this.

Note: Just woke up from a three hour nap, 11 am to 2pm. I may be sick. I hope not.

Odd bits of information...

2012-01-25T03:00:00.000-08:00

These are a few little things I've wanted to share, but they didn't merit a post of their own.

Activa is horrendous. Every time I see the commercial for it, I want to scream, and sometimes do, at the television. I tried it, and I remember how ill it made me. I thought there was something wrong with me. I read up on it, and my side effects were a common complaint. Live and learn.

"Lemmings, nature's nachos." ~ Steve Kroschel Wildlife photographer

I tried another cocoa mix, and mine is still the best on the planet. Tablespoon of cocoa and tablespoon of sugar in milk, with marshmallows. Yummy.

Loved my sister's post, yesterday. http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2012/01/teach-our-daughters.html

I told a friend I wasn't feeling well, but would be better in a few days, like I am once a month. She admitted that from time to time she missed the cycle. I considered her words and came to the realization that I will, too. After all, once it's over, what will I use as my excuse for crazy behavior, uncontrollable sobbing for no apparent reason, and bingeing?

More SOPA/PIPA info...

2012-01-24T03:00:00.000-08:00

This 11 minute video does a pretty good job of describing these power grabs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBy7yooz3MM

Though it has been voted down in the House of Representatives, the Senate Chairman, Harry Reid, has kept this idiocy alive in the Senate. The concept of these bills is a "nice" idea: stop piracy. However, these bills are impractical and unenforceable and open the doors to far worse than piracy.

I emailed my Representative, and was proud to learn he'd voted "No." I also emailed one of my Senators. I couldn't email the other because he has removed his email contact information.

Write your Senators and State Representatives to vote "No."

Carpe diem... wow....

2012-01-23T03:00:00.000-08:00

Since I've become a football fan, this has been the best playoffs, ever. Both games were close. None of the wins came easy, including a tie! I hope the Super Bowl is as good.

Now, it's Monday, and time to start the week with plans to accomplish more than rolling out of bed.

~Laundry. Has to be done.

~Edit 6 chapters. Doing close editing now, word by word. Six chapters a day, should see it finished at the end of the week.

~I want to make pancakes.

~Tax stuff is gathered, but I need to fill out the forms I'll give my tax accountant. I want everything ready when my documentation arrives.

~I want to start the habit of wearing makeup, even if it's only lip gloss, every day. How I treat myself and present myself to myself matters. It reflects whether or not I consider myself worth the trouble, worthwhile, because I am.

~This month, I'm going to stop pretending I'm going to return to projects I started and stopped because I lost interest. I'm going to be kind to myself and allow myself the right to grow and change and let go of interests that no longer capture my attention, so I'm able to throw myself more wholeheartedly into interests that matter to me now. I'm not going to feel guilty for changing.

~Every day, I'm going to take one piece of paper from my pile of accumulated papers and file it, either in a folder/notebook or the trash.

I'm becoming the person I want to be. I'm not waiting for someday.

Update: Mostly done, and happy with what was accomplished.

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #87

2012-01-22T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Tree63 Blessed Be Your Name

~Friends who believe in me. This has been really important this week.

~The opportunity to pick myself up and keep going, despite stumbling along the road.

~God's guiding hand, no matter how many times I turned aside, is stretched out still.

~Favorite writers, who make me laugh and help me escape, from time to time.

"There is no bad weather, only inappropriate clothing." ~ Burt Wolf's 5-year-old son

My Heroes... Survivors...

2012-01-21T03:00:00.000-08:00

It seems to have been a difficult week for several of my blogging friends. I love the internet. It connects me to people all over the globe in ways I never imagined possible growing up. The problem with this is we're all so far apart! When one of us is having a particularly difficult time of it, the rest of us find ourselves unable to run over and give them a hug or take them to lunch or meet them at Starbucks or even help with the children or bring them a meal or do their dishes for them. We are limited to offering prayers on their behalf and posting encouragement and our concern for them. The amazing part? It helps. How awesome is that? Something so small and simple is able to bring about a smile and a sense of belonging. The incredibly amazing part? Survivors are taught they are alone and no one cares what happens to them. Despite the fact they are taught they are worthless and no one will believe them, they share their story anyway. It takes an astonishing amount of courage to fly in the face of all you've been told. Because survivors hope against all odds, they become blessings to other survivors. Awesome. My humble thanks to all the survivors who bless my life every single day.

"Dear God, Please bless my computer. All my friends live there."

Article on Yahoo...

2012-01-20T03:00:00.000-08:00

http://shine.yahoo.com/vitality/lose-weight-day-long-164200821.html

I already do a lot of these. Whoohoo!!

Now, the truth of it all. Like many people, I read and read and read and then celebrate and bob my head up and down when FINALLY someone agrees WITH ME!! See, I was right all along.

A sense of humor is mandatory for survival.

Reality check: Some of the things on the list are great, for me. Some of the things would be horrible for some of my friends. Some of the things are horrible for me, but would be great for some of my friends.

People do not come in one-size-fits all, ever.

Listen to your self. Believe in yourself. Accept yourself. Then follow your heart, but bring your brain along. (Thank you to my FaceBook friends!) Yes, that last bit of advice came from a picture posted by one of my FaceBook friends, and I wish I'd learned it a long time ago, but better late than never.

Week Thirty of REAL...

2012-01-19T05:00:00.000-08:00

The 13th: weigh in: 237.2 lb. Thirty-minute walk, 30 minutes total. Good start.

The 14th: weigh in: 237.6 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Two and a half mile walk, in an hour, 90 minutes total. Another SEAL puppy rep. One and a half hours of yard work, trimming roses and the apple tree.

The 15th: weigh in: 238 lb. Bah! Enjoyed a delightful one-mile walk with my nieces, 20 minutes, 110 minutes total.

The 16th: weigh in: 237.2 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-mile walk in 40 minutes, total 150 minutes. One more SEAL puppy rep.

The 17th: weigh in 236 lb. Physical therapy.

The 18th: weigh in: 235.2 lb. Well, would you look at that. I'm back on my preferred schedule, and I'm losing weight. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-mile walk in 40 minutes, total 190 minutes. One more SEAL puppy rep. I tried a cocoa mix. Mistake. My cocoa mix is better. Much better.

The 19th: weigh in: 234.8 lb. Waist circumference: 39.5". I like the look of this trend. I'll fit in 10 minutes of walking, and even meet the 200 minutes of walking goal, this week. Whoohoo! I can do this.

Stop Censorship!! Stop the SOPA/PIPA bills!

2012-01-18T01:00:00.000-08:00

These bills supposedly will stop piracy of movies and music.

What they will really do:

Give the government more power, without solving the problem.

There will always be people who choose to break the law.

From Wikipedia:

"Proponents of the bill say it protects the intellectual property market and corresponding industry, jobs and revenue, and is necessary to bolster enforcement of copyright laws, especially against foreign websites.[5] They cite examples such as Google's $500 million settlement with the Department of Justice for its role in a scheme to target U.S. consumers with ads to illegally import prescription drugs from Canadian pharmacies.[6]

"Opponents say that it violates the First Amendment,[7] is Internet censorship,[8] will cripple the Internet,[9] and will threaten whistle-blowing and other free speech actions.[7][10] Opponents have initiated a number of protest actions, including petition drives, boycotts of companies that support the legislation, and planned service blackouts by English Wikipedia and major Internet companies scheduled to coincide with the next Congressional hearing on the matter."

This is what concerns me, as being dangerous:

"The bill would make unauthorized streaming of copyrighted content a crime, with a maximum penalty of five years in prison for ten such infringements within six months."

So, a person listens to 10 songs within 6 months, and ends up in prison with murderers. On what planet does this make any sense? You know some idiot judge and/or jury will do it. Think of the thieves who have been awarded settlements because they sued their victims for shooting them or doing some other bodily harm. When I lived in Thailand, the only music available was black market. Really. You could not buy original movies or music. So are all those people going to be put in jail? The insanity of this legislation is mind boggling.

Looking back...

2012-01-17T03:00:00.000-08:00

...over the previous posts of late, and there are a lot of short ones, with pictures. Am I uninspired to write? Are you kidding me?

A day in the life:

6:00 AM Awake, SEAL puppy reps and walking.
7:00 AM Brainless stuff, going through emails, FaceBook, and blogs like Cake Wrecks. Document is open and reviewed, to give my brain time to think about it while I start laundry, make bed, hang out laundry, and start load two, cook up and eat breakfast/lunch, hang out load two, wash hair, make a few edits, bring in laundry, and lay down for a one hour nap, hopefully.
2:00 PM Make and eat lunch/dinner. More stuff online, while I begin working through edits.
5:30 PM Hot cocoa to start the rest of the evening. Work on edits, with short breaks online or reading.
1:00 AM Bed.

And start it all over again at 6:00 AM, with a slight variation in the morning routine.

People who don't know me well will suggest I become more involved with this, that or the other thing. When would I have time?

In years past, I've been a Golden Quill judge and been able to read through ten books in less than a month. This year, I'm volunteering for five books, and hoping I'll make it through in the allotted two months. All that being said, I'm not complaining. Really. I'm excited and happy about what I'm doing. I'm living my dream job. Whoohoo!!

Carpe diem... easy, but not....

2012-01-16T03:00:00.000-08:00

I have projects I will work on, and they won't be finished, today, but they will be further along.

Laundry, of course, ought to be done.

Reading always needs a little time during the day, though I've had to cut way back on it.

Online stuff will be given attention, as well. I'm learning to schedule it so it doesn't take over my life.

Exercise and eating healthy are on the docket.

I was sent this picture in an email, years ago. It still makes me laugh:

Done.

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #86

2012-01-15T03:00:00.000-08:00

~David Crowder Band How He Loves Us

~Friends, old and new.

~Books.

~Opportunities.

~Laughter.

This is from my Inspirational Posters widget.

My Heroes... a different POV...

2012-01-14T03:00:00.000-08:00

POV ~ Point of view

I've been sharing heroes, every week since this past summer. It's been a learning experience. It has also been heartwarming, wrenching, and inspiring.

My friend, Diane Gaston, blogged about heroes, this week. She made some great points, and I had fun replying.

http://dianegaston.com/blog/2012/01/more-on-heroes/#comments

Love this kind of humor....

2012-01-13T03:00:00.000-08:00

Only on FB would I find this stuff. :-)

This quote was posted at a chat: "If you're gonna die next week and you have to change things... you're doing it wrong NOW." – Jeff Fisher

Week Twenty-Nine of REAL...

2012-01-12T05:00:00.000-08:00

The 6th: weigh in: 236.6 lb. Bah!

The 7th: weigh in: 236.6 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-plus mile walk, about an hour, so total is 60 minutes. I then spent two hours working in the yard, i.e., cutting back blackberry bushes, until the wasps woke up. Then it was time to go back inside. Almost done. Note to self, trim bushes early in the morning in January, when it's cold. As the air warms, the wasps wake up and start moving. You want to be done for the day before that happens. Really. Just sayin.

The 8th: weigh in: 237 lb. Eep! Today, it changes. If I want to be healthy, I have to make the effort to eat healthy, sleep healthy, and exercise healthy. I decide. Me. This was posted at FB. http://plus-model-mag.com/2012/01/plus-size-bodies-what-is-wrong-with-them-anyway/ This is not to give myself permission to be heavy, but to encourage me to be healthy.

The 9th: weigh in: 237.2 lb. Sigh... I did eat better yesterday. Picking myself up; dusting myself off. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-mile walk, for 40 minutes, with total of 100 minutes. One more hour of yard work. The blackberry bushes are trimmed, and I've started on the apple tree. Anymore can wait until Saturday. Whew.

The 10th: weigh in 236.6 lb. Yesterday was my first day back on my writing schedule, with the nap in the middle of the day. It seems to make a difference. We'll see.

The 11th: weigh in: 237.2 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-mile walk, in 40 minutes, for a total of 140 minutes. I'm not going to make 200 minutes this week. I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I did three hours of yard work. Moving is the goal, and I am. One more SEAL puppy rep.

The 12th: weigh in: 238.2 lb. Wait... What? Waist circumference: 39.5". Oh. Note to self: Measurements are more important than weight. I looked at my arms in the mirror. They aren't as flabby as they used to be. Cool. Muscle burns fat. Muscle takes up less space than fat. I'm kind of excited about today's numbers. Physical therapy, without weights.

No more...

2012-01-11T03:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's post lead into today's lightning revelation.

Yesterday, I stood in the self-check out at the grocery store. A young woman walked by in a classy business suit, skirt and jacket, and black heels. I glanced up and saw myself in the video feed, and all I could think was "Dumpy." I looked dumpy. I was wearing a cute denim jumper and sweater. Worse to me was that I'd thought of wearing something nicer and talked myself out of it. Why do I do this to myself? And yet, I have to celebrate as well. I had a coupon for the bakery. I thought about buying myself a donut or two or a bagel. I looked at them, breathed deep, and bought bread for my lunch. I am still proud of myself for making a healthier choice that will also last longer. On the way home, in the car, this came on K-Love, and I knew it was for me. I've posted the song before, but God gave this gift to me, when I needed it most. May God bless MikesChair and all those who share their faith to inspire and lift others. They inspired and lifted me.

MikesChair Someone Worth Dying For http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF5CjtrIl_c&NR=1&feature=endscreen

Lyrics:

You might be the wife,
Waiting up at night
You might be the man,
Struggling to provide
Feeling like it's hopeless

Maybe you're the son,
Who chose a broken road
Maybe you're the girl,
Thinking you'll end up alone
Praying God can you hear me?
Oh God are you listening?

(Chorus)
Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I
Am someone worth dying for

I know you've heard the truth that God has set you free
But you think you're the one that grace could never reach
So you just keep asking, what everybody's asking

Chorus

You're worth it, you can't earn it
Yeah the Cross has proven
That you're sacred and blameless
Your life has purpose

And you are more than flesh and bone
Can't you see you're something beautiful
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see
That you're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you
Are someone worth dying for

You're someone worth dying for
You're someone worth dying for

Cute and heartwarming....

2012-01-10T03:00:00.000-08:00

FB is a love/hate relationship. Some things are horrid, and some things are fantastic. I found this posted there, and wanted it someplace more permanent than FB.

My thanks to all those incredibly creative people, who take something ordinary and make it extraordinary.

Carpe diem... finally...

2012-01-09T03:00:00.000-08:00

With any luck, I will finish trimming back the blackberry bushes. What a tangle they'd become. Those vicious thorns don't make it an easy task, not by any stretch of the imagination. The worst is done. Now it's a matter of neatening up what's left. It will help everything be healthier.

Laundry, as always, needs to be done... maybe... that will be my flexible job. If it's done, great; if not, that's okay, too. It can always be done another day.

I'd like to make bread, but it depends on the trimming. That being said, fresh bread would be really yummy...

There are projects that need completing, and I have every intention of following through on those.

Hopefully, I also find some time to read. My TBR pile is growing again, because I haven't had time to read!

PBS has changed its lineup. I could complain that the new schedule doesn't suit me. Or I'll rejoice because it means I'll watch less television, and I simply don't have time for it now, anyway.

Follow up: Done but for the bread. The buttermilk was still frozen, so I'll try again tomorrow. LOL!

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #85

2012-01-08T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Thanks, Molly, for sharing Wherever You Are http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hR6O7VxKaQ

~New opportunities and those wonderful, amazing people that are so supportive in the midst of it all.

~Unexpected opportunities.

~Figuring out what confuses me.

~Learning to ask for what I need, and discovering it isn't as hard as I thought... it isn't as hard as it used to be, because I'm discovering my worth.

My Heroes... Miss Rees...

2012-01-07T03:00:00.000-08:00

Jessica Joy Rees was 12 years old, with cancer. For the whole story, this is the link at Yahoo:

http://news.yahoo.com/12-old-girl-blogged-cancer-fight-died-233503455.html

God help me to have such courage, and bless those who battle on.

This was in my Success Poster widget:

Sometimes the opportunity is not what we think it will be. It takes incredible bravery to see beyond the obvious.

Contests at other blogs....

2012-01-06T03:00:00.000-08:00

Many of the writing blogs I frequent sponsor contests. If you comment, you're entered to win a prize, usually a book, sometimes a gift card or bookmarks or character cards. Yes, it requires a bit of trust to turn over your address to someone you don't know. That being said, It can be fun.

SOS Aloha gives away books every day, announcing the winners at the end of the week.

Lucy Monroe has regular contests.

Happily Ever After Thoughts, like many of the blogs recently had a contest related to the new year.

Risky Regencies usually has a book to give away every Sunday.

Several authors I know have monthly contests or out of the blue free books, like Diane Gaston and Kris Tualla.

My sister reminded me of the Nikon Sniper drawing, for those who love photography.

Sharron mentioned a pitching opportunity (pitch your story) here.

If you have a favorite author, check their website, they may have something fun going on there. If you like autographed books or simply enjoy playing in contests, author and book review sites use contests to bring in more readers. If you want to try a new author but aren't sure if you want to pay for them, see if there's contest out there offering one of their books. No guarantees of winning, of course, but you might find a blog you enjoy following for fun.

Yes, I'm realizing that I will find myself doing this, somewhere down the road. So this blog was for me, to help accustom me to some of the changes coming in my life. What an adventure.

Week Twenty-Eight of REAL...

2012-01-05T05:00:00.000-08:00

The 30th: weigh in: 237.4 lb. Not really surprised by that number. I tossed some of my non-healthy foods, yesterday, so today has no choice but to be healthier. I'm stepping back into my old routines for the day. Headache. Squirrel! Stuffy head, probably allergies. Wait, what? Keeping my mind on one thing for more than a minute... ooooo shiny. Yea. It feels like that.

The 31st: weigh in: 237 lb. Going down. One SEAL puppy rep. One-mile walk with my sister. It was slow, so about 45 minutes. One hour of yard work, trimming wild chilis out of the blackberries. One more SEAL puppy rep.

January 2012

The 1st: weigh in: 237.4 lb. No surprise after all the Pirate Booty I ate last night in a fit of nervousness. What I did toward meeting my new Christmas Gifts: I read the opening of Natural Beauty at Home by Janice Cox. I learned that those with oily skin need more water, whole those with dry skin need more oil. I'm using up my Burt's Bees products while I learn about products I could make at home. This is fun. Walked a half mile with the nieces. They walk fast. It's good for me. Ten minutes. Total 55 minutes.

The 2nd: weigh in: 236.2 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-mile walk, 45 minutes, total 100 minutes. One more SEAL puppy rep. One hour of trimming blackberry bushes. Has to count for something. Took a half-mile walk in the evening. I used to love walking my dog in the evening. 15 minute for a total of 115 min.

The 3rd: weigh in 236 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Half-mile walk, 15 minutes, total 130 min. And another half-mile walk in the evening, 15 minutes, total 145 minutes.

The 4th: weigh in: 236 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-mile walk, 40 minutes, total 170 min. One more SEAL puppy rep.

The 5th: weigh in: 236.6 lb. Waist circumference: 40". Sigh. I stressed, last night, over formatting. It isn't my favorite thing to do, but necessary, I know. The frustration lay in the fact that I misread the directions and "corrected" punctuation that was already correct, and couldn't undo it. The new "correction" couldn't be found, until I figured out what I'd changed in my Find and Replace feature, and change it back... Okay, I'm also avoiding the truth: I have a dentist appointment this morning. I had horrible experiences with the dentist, as a child. It's a pity, really. My current dentist and hygienist are great, and do a good job. We've made the experience bearable, but the stress still inches up there. One-mile walk, at an easy pace, coupled with feeding bread to the ducks. Good times! 30 minutes for a total of 200 minutes. I survived another dentist visit. In truth, it isn't bad anymore. Crest Pro-Health has made my visits so much easier. What a blessing. Thanks to my hygienist for suggesting it.

Couple of posts....

2012-01-04T03:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I found a couple of posts I enjoyed and thought I'd share them here.

Upsi (no surprise) had a great post yesterday discussing the concept of forgiveness. She made some great points, and had some great comments.

Anne Gracie, one of my favorite writers, posted at the Lower North Shore blog about writing, titled "Just Start." She has some great suggestions for those who say that they want to write, addressing the excuses that tend to pop to mind.

Better yet, one of my birthday presents showed up, today. Anne Gracie's latest book, Bride By Mistake. Next on my To-Do list, READ!

I'm keeping a pretty good schedule, for now. So far so good.

Sharing an email...

2012-01-03T03:00:00.000-08:00

This was posted at Lucy Monroe's blog. (I hope she doesn't mind me stealing it and passing it a long.)

Do you get lots of emails telling you not to eat this or spend your money on that? I received the following in an email from a friend...I thought it was hysterical! Hope you can relate.....

Thank you for the educational emails.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan

I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up $2.00 coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician . . .

Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

Carpe diem... no more waiting...

2012-01-02T03:00:00.000-08:00

Today's activities will include working on my author material, like my bio, including reading through the author bios at Desert Breeze Publishing.

I'll also be taking myself for a walk.

I want to watch the Rose Bowl Parade because my sister is there watching in person! So exciting.

There's some trimming that still needs doing in the yard.

Editing needs to start, and today is as good a day as any to start. I'm giving myself two weeks, but hope I'm done in less time than that. This is the first time, so I'll need to see how it works.

Yesterday was a day for reflecting and planning. Today, the plans go into effect. As my favorite romances say, "One must start as one means to go on." I mean to be healthy, and today is going to be healthy.

Done.

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #84

2012-01-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

~MercyMe Bring The Rain http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU&NR=1

~A New Year, with new possibilities.

~Seal of My Dreams, an anthology of short romance stories with SEALs at the heroes. "All proceeds pledged to the Veterans Research Corporation, a non-profit foundation supporting veterans medical research." Seal of My Dreams website.

~Mistletoe Kisses, a Regency Christmas romance anthology by Elizabeth Rolls, Deborah Hale, and Diane Gaston.

~Friends who lift me up, when I'm too weary and too addled to see my way.

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T03:00:00.001-08:00

Back in December 2009, I decided I was tired of the Resolution Rat Race. It annoyed me no end that making promises to one's self to change was treated like a huge joke. I truly wanted to change my life. I needed to change my life. I didn't want to hear the jokes about not making it through January Second. What was the point?

Being the problem solver that I am, I went to work mulling over possible solutions. In December, I used one of my Christmas cards for myself. Within it, I wrote out the gifts I planned to give to myself for Christmas throughout the coming year. I accomplished them, to a certain extent. Last Christmas, they all made it on my list of Gifts to myself, again, in varying forms. I realized they were gifts I wanted to give to myself, every year, for the rest of my life. Now, I hold to those gifts, but starting this year, I'll add more specifics. This year, for the first time, I'm going to give myself gifts in what I consider to be seven overall areas of my life: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual, Writing, Social, Giving.

This year's Christmas Gifts to Myself:

1. I allowed lack of funds to curb my Just Because It's Tuesday gifts. I want to learn to do it without spending a lot of money.

2. Lose the fat. A friend posted a picture showing the difference between 5 lb of fat and 5 lb of muscle. It made an impression. I'm not going to think of it as losing weight, but losing fat.

3. Kindle - I need an ebook reading device.

4. Finish two more novels, in addition to becoming in every sense of the words a published author. I want to learn how to write articles.

5. Do more about my appearance. I know I'll feel more comfortable in social situations if I feel more comfortable with my appearance. I've allowed a lot to slide because I wanted to pretend like it didn't matter. It does.

6. I enjoy natural beauty products, especially making my own, but I haven't done much of it, ever. This year, I'm going to do more of it. I have incredibly sensitive skin, and can't use a lot of products. Natural products, I make myself, seem to be easier on my skin.

7. Continue to be a blessing.

A new brain please...

2011-12-30T03:00:00.001-08:00

It would be a good start, anyway. I'm ever amazed by how discombobulated I become when my hormones are out of whack. Thinking becomes an almost impossible task. Remembering anything is a challenge. Trying to work on anything becomes a monumental challenge, and I usually have to redo the work once my brain is back. So, yesterday and today (my worst days in the cycle) are being spent reading and doing non-decision type stuff. I've been reading other bios to help me form my own ideas of what I'd like. I've also fiddled with making my own business cards. No decisions to be made, yet, only allowing my mind to puzzle things out.

Week Twenty-Seven of REAL...

2011-12-29T05:00:00.000-08:00

The 23rd: weigh in: 234.6 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Five-minute walk; it was too cold! LOL! I couldn't stay awake any longer, last night. It was 9:30 p.m. I woke at 12:30 a.m. Blessedly, I was able to go back to sleep, and slept the night through. I'm feeling better than I have all week. Thank you, God.

The 24th: weigh in: 234.2 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Half-mile walk; COLD!! Well, cold for here, anyway. Still terribly tired. With the holiday, my eating isn't at its best, but it's much better than it used to be and improving.

The 25th: weigh in: 235.6 lb. Merry Christmas!! I finally remembered to take an allergy pill, last night. What a huge difference! I feel so much better, today.

The 26th: weigh in: 235.8 lb. Not bad. I was afraid it might be much worse. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-mile walk, in 40 minutes, so total is not good at 50 minutes. Not going to beat myself up. One more SEAL puppy rep.

The 27th: weigh in 235.6 lb. Whoohoo! It's only a little, but considering what I'm eating, leftovers, i.e., mostly desserts, that really isn't too bad. I planned on doing better, today, but didn't. Two-mile walk, plus a bit more, in about an hour. Total 110 minutes.

The 28th: weigh in: 235.6 lb. How'd that happen after yesterday's binge? Don't know. Don't care. Just glad I didn't completely botch my progress. I will do better today. I'm feeling better. Lots of things going through my head, in a good way. Started the day with Weightless tea. We'll see how it goes. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-mile walk, plus a bit more, with my sister, for about an hour. Total 170 min. One more SEAL puppy rep. Well, shoot. Brain is self-destructing, early. Hate that. Brain will be back in a few days, though not sooner than I'd like. Sigh.

The 29th: weigh in: 235.8 lb. Waist circumference: 41". Not surprised by the last one. That will disappear again, within a few days. Reminding myself that it's important to be gentle with myself, especially when it comes to things over which I have no control, or at least very little. Time to make myself some Red Raspberry Leaf tea. One-plus mile walk, with my sister. It took a while. 230 minutes total. Tomorrow will be better. Today's goal is to make it through without beating myself up over the fact that my mind will wander and I'll be tired and crampy.

One more down...

2011-12-28T03:00:00.000-08:00

Today, my sister, a professional photographer, took me out for a photo shoot. I dressed in the outfit I thought fit my Laurel Hawkes persona. When we first started working on my branding, this was the skirt and blouse that leapt to my mind. She chose four different spots, and took over a hundred pictures.

I don't like pictures of me. My face is scarred by years of acne. I'm also overweight. It makes my face rounder. My parents have never been kind about my appearance. Neither has a sibling, less immediate family members, acquaintances, and total strangers. I hate dealing with pictures of me. Cookies, cake, fudge, hot chocolate, bread, and more all fell victim to my need to stuff the stress.

That being said, my sister and I laughed, a lot. We started at nine o'clock in the morning. By noon, we had whittled down the hundred plus shots to one. I came home, and she continued to work. By five, she stopped by with the finished product.

Wow! It's me, but better.

The picture is done, beautifully. Thanks Ruth!!

Tomorrow, I'll tackle one more thing on the list.

Follow through...

2011-12-27T03:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I started my assignments. What I planned to do, I did. But there's still so much to do. So much to learn! I admit it: I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I'm reading The Snow Angel by Glenn Beck and SEAL of My Dreams by a variety of romance authors.

I've posted this picture before, but it's Tuesday again, and it's simply so cute!!

Carpe diem... only one thing...

2011-12-26T03:00:00.000-08:00

There is only one thing I absolutely must do, today: Follow through on the assignment I've been given. I can do this. It's exciting and new, and doable, though I'm scared silly.

I had a most enjoyable Christmas. I hope everyone else is still smiling.

Courage is needed, and this lightens my heart (thanks kiki):

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #83

2011-12-25T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Merry CHRISTmas!!!

~Hallelujah Chorus flash mob http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXh7JR9oKVE

~Amazing new opportunities.

~NORAD's Track Santa http://www.noradsanta.org/en/ This is my first year visiting this fun link. I've bookmarked it for next year.

~Unexpected gifts beyond what I ever imagined. God will pour out a blessing...

Christmas Eve...

2011-12-24T03:00:00.000-08:00

It's important to remember....

2011-12-23T03:00:00.000-08:00

Thank you Inspirational widget.

Week Twenty-Six of REAL...

2011-12-22T05:00:00.000-08:00

The 16th: weigh in: 232.2 lb. Going down. That being said, I made cookies and bread, today.

The 17th: weigh in: 233.4 lb. Not surprised, but it will be going down again soon. I seem to be getting the hang of this. One SEAL puppy rep. Two and one-half mile walk 60 minutes. One more SEAL puppy rep. Today, I'm going to start trying to walk 200 minutes a week.

The 18th: weigh in: 233.4 lb. Woke up restless, my ankle sore, so took myself for a 20-minute walk. Would have been longer, but it started drizzling. Rain is good. Total 80-minutes. I'll start the count over again on Friday so I can keep track of everything in the same time frame.

The 19th: weigh in: 233.8 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-mile walk in 45 minutes. Total 125 minutes. One more SEAL puppy rep.

The 20th: weigh in 233.6 lb. I woke at 3:15 a.m., unable to go back to sleep for all the grinding gears in my head. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the new path I've chosen. I thought I was prepared... "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." I rolled out of bed and took care of things that were niggling at me, then rolled back into bed, but couldn't shut my brain off, so I read, until my alarm clock went off, at 6:00 a.m. Took myself for a one-mile walk. 20 minutes. Total 145 minutes.

The 21st: weigh in: 233.6 lb. Slept better last night. Thank God. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-mile walk in 40 minutes. Total 185 minutes. One more SEAL puppy rep. One more mile. Total is over 200 minutes. I'm sleeping in, tomorrow. I'm also cutting myself some slack, tomorrow, as regards the scale. One of my dear friends took me to Sweet Tomatoes for my birthday, and my sister picked me up from there and took me to Mimi's Cafe for their yummy hot cocoa and a pumpkin muffin. Whoohoo!! It has been an awesome day!

The 22nd: weigh in: 235.4 lb. Waist circumference: 39.5". Yep, not surprised by that. Total walking minutes for this week: More than 205. Whoohoo!! Today, I'm back to eating better. Yesterday really was an aberration, a very delicious one at that, and I don't regret it for a moment, especially the wonderful company.

It's coming...

2011-12-21T03:00:00.000-08:00

The Hobbit! Whoohoo!! Next December. iTunes has a lovely movie trailer that was posted at FaceBook.

http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/wb/thehobbit/

I'm looking forward to it. I suppose that's kind of obvious. :-) Enjoy.

Thanking God...

2011-12-20T03:00:00.000-08:00

Desert Breeze Publishing has made an offer for contracts for three books in my Endless Possibilities series.

A Promise of Possibilites -- August 21, 2012
Hidden Possibilities -- March 2013
Unexpected Possibilities -- October 2013

God bless my sister writers in the Desert Rose chapter of Romance Writers of America. Kris Tualla encouraged me to submit to Desert Breeze Publishing. I'd heard of them and had put them on my list of possible publishers. After talking to Kris, I did my homework. The more I read, the more I liked what I was reading. Then I saw this on their site: "...Christian novels with a bit more real world flair. It's not always easy being Christian, and we would like to see novels that expressed that." And I knew I was home.

I am so incredibly honored, and delighted. I'm still laughing and crying.

This is part of the email I sent out to those who have been with me through this journey from the beginning:

After submitting, I prayed that if this was to be that God would help the editor see past my weaknesses and see the strengths and possibilities. Then I prayed that if I was going to be rejected to please let it be soon so I'd know and could move on. I marked the eight-week deadline in my calendar, last night. This morning, I woke early feeling restless. I took myself for a walk, but had to come home because it was drizzling. I knelt in my morning prayers and couldn't bring myself to ask God for another breadcrumb that I was headed in the right direction, because He'd already made it so obvious. Then I popped online, and found the email (from Gail R. Delaney, Editor-In-Chief) that was sent late last night. God is good.

Happy birthday to me and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Thank you all so much for being such an important part of this exciting adventure!

All is in God's hands.

Carpe diem... all last week...

2011-12-19T03:00:00.001-08:00

Met a deadline. Visited with a dear friend. Made bread and cookies. Froze eggs in groups of twos, perfect for cookies. And more.

Still, there's more that needs to be done. Christmas is coming. Are you ready?

Me, neither.

But I will be. I hope.

Laundry needs to be done, today, at least.

I would really, really like to feel rested. The rain is wonderful, but it also brings out molds, to which I'm allergic. That would explain the tiredness.

Some much needed sunny cuteness:

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #82

2011-12-18T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Soldier's Silent Night http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWExFTFAQzA

~The joy of cooking. I truly do enjoy it.

~Rain and rain and rain.

~Wonderful friends.

~Amazing opportunities, and I'm wise enough to recognize them and grab hold.

My Heroes... Secret Santas...

2011-12-17T03:00:00.000-08:00

Someday, I hope to be in a position to do something like this:

Yahoo News is reporting on what are now being called Lay-away Santas: http://finance.yahoo.com/news/anonymous-donors-pay-off-kmart-222535611.html

I know of others who have purchased groceries or given gift cards for groceries or gasoline. Thank you to all those who understand and celebrate the gift of giving.

I don't remember where I found this picture; I added it to my picture file years ago.

Taking a breather...

2011-12-16T03:00:00.000-08:00

Meeting a deadline leaves me feeling a bit frazzled... okay, all but brain dead. So, taking a little time to rest and recuperate.

Week Twenty-Five of REAL...

2011-12-15T04:00:00.000-08:00

The 9th: weigh in: 234.6 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Attend the church Christmas dinner. Then went looking at lights and had hot chocolate and marshmallows and biscotti. I don't usually eat so much so late. Though I'll notice it on the scale tomorrow morning, it won't stay, and I'm not a bit sorry. It was fun!!!

The 10th: weigh in: 236 lb. BAH! One SEAL puppy rep. Watched the eclipse of the moon. Wow! One-mile walk. Attended my niece's soccer game. Fun! One SEAL puppy rep.

The 11th: weigh in: 235.2 lb. Better. Keep going. Stressed a bit, and my eating showed it.

The 12th: weigh in: 235.2 lb. Not bad, considering what I ate yesterday. One SEAL puppy rep. One-mile walk. One more SEAL puppy rep. Now that my brain has returned from its week-long vacation, I'm easing back into my routines. I really love my split sleeping.

The 13th: weigh in 234.8 lb. Feeling a little stressed by my deadline.

The 14th: weigh in: 234.8 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. One-mile walk. One more SEAL puppy rep. I am so grateful for my new schedule. It doesn't matter that I crawled into bed at three in the morning, and woke without an alarm clock before six in the morning, because I'm taking a nap. It makes a difference. Woke after an hour and a half, before my alarm clock, but woke very cold. Not a good sign. Wrapping myself in blankets, I slept another hour and a half, but woke feeling like myself.

The 15th: weigh in: 233 lb. Waist circumference: 39.5". I like that. Headed in a healthier direction. Woke this morning after only about two hours sleep. As in eyes popped open, can't go back to sleep. It is so much less stressful knowing I'll be napping later. But first I'll be catching up with a dear friend.

Another email I wanted to share...

2011-12-14T03:00:00.001-08:00

Whether true or not...it's a lovely story - and a beautiful, simple prayer.

Lucky Dog.......

Anyone who has pets will really like this. You'll like it even if you don't and you may even decide you need one!

Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named 'Lucky.'

Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing.

Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's other favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.

It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease....in fact; she was just sure it was fatal.

She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her...what would happen to Lucky?

Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary's dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him! The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.

The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable.

Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap.

Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.

When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life.

He had covered her with his love.

Mary forgot about dying... Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day. It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.

Remember...live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing from God. And never forget....the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones who care for us.

If you see someone without a smile today give them one of yours! Live simply. Love seriously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God!

A small request: All you are asked to do is keep this circulating.

Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer. Amen.

All you are asked to do is keep this circulating, even if it is only to one more person, in memory of anyone you know who has been struck down by cancer or is still fighting their battle.

Birthday Celebrations...

2011-12-13T03:00:00.000-08:00

It's a month for birthdays, and no today isn't mine. I saw this back on November 6: Happily Ever After blog had a post about birthdays. I needed the reminder.
1. Make it all about me.
2. Make it about being grateful.
3. Make it about a new start.
4. Enjoy the gifts.

Birthdays used to be a pit of despair, to borrow from The Princess Bride. Mine was forgotten more often than it was remembered. More times than not, when it was remembered, it was an afterthought. I thought the excuses were plausible until my current friends were brought into my life.

1. They made it all about me. In fact, they helped me celebrate all month long. Now, my birthday is a special day, because of them. No despair allowed.

2. I am so grateful for my life, and for where God is leading me. I'm grateful God blessed me with amazing friends who love and appreciate me and are glad I was born.

3. Instead of making New Year's resolutions, like my sister, I make it a time to reflect and consider where I'm going.

4. The greatest gift is that of the friendship given me.

One of my dear friends truly follows the Hobbit habit of giving Mathoms. She sends gifts for her birthday. I haven't mastered that skill, yet. Part of it, I know, is that I still feel like I don't have much to offer. I'm working on it. So, maybe this year, I'll finally work past that. I have some time yet to figure it out.

I'm accumulating a list of places to which I'd like to donate, and my state rep posted this on his FaceBook page (how did he know? LOL!) :

Packages From Home Things to Donate

Carpe diem... revisions...

2011-12-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

Revisions, revisions, revisions...

Laundry

Make my hot chocolate mix.

A bit of reading. I enjoyed Merry Christmas Babies by Tara Taylor Quinn, and Cowboy Daddy, Jingle-Bell Daddy by Linda Goodnight.

This is how I've been feeling the past week:

Done, and wrote a card to mail to "A Recovering American Soldier," tomorrow.

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #81

2011-12-11T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Neil Diamond's Be http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgkk0Hdwmo8 Thanks, Molly, for reminding me.

~Christmas lights with my sister. Ooooooo.... aaaaahhhhhhh.... pretty....

~Who knew soccer games could be so much fun? Thanks for inviting me to tag along, Ruth, to the niece's game. It was fun, in large part because my brother and his wife cheered all the kids on the team by name.

~Watched the total eclipse of the moon. Wow.

~Thanks to Constance Wagner, for editorial help. I have no trouble blaming her for asking me to try inspirational historical romance, because she did. I have been blessed with some of the most amazing friends.

My Heroes... Wounded Warriors...

2011-12-10T03:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know if this originated with the Wounded Warriors Project. I found it posted on FB:

When filling out your Christmas cards this year, take one card and send it to this address:

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed National Military Medical Center
8901 Rockville Pike
Bethesda, MD 20889-5600

UPDATE: This address is incorrect. Sorry!

If we pass this on & everyone sends one card, think of how many cards these wonderful, special people, who have sacrificed so much would get.

Here is the official site for the Wounded Warriors Project.

Introducing Laurel Hawkes...

2011-12-09T03:00:00.000-08:00

http://laurelhawkes.blogspot.com/

Me, the writer.

Laurel Hawkes was created as a persona, several years ago. However, she started out as Ladyhawk Baggins of Ladyhawkhollow. Yes, that's me, too. Ladyhawk is the one who started writing, almost ten years ago. One thing led to another, and one of the readers of my LOTR fan fiction asked me to try an inspirational historical romance. After giving it a few minutes thought, I agreed. Next thing I knew, I'd completed the novel, and been rejected. The good thing about the rejection letter is that I then qualified as a PRO in Romance Writers of America, which I joined, and then I joined Desert Rose, the local RWA chapter. I've been a member of Desert Rose, since 2007.

It all started with Lord of the Rings. And here I am. A very short version of an incredible journey. There are people in my life that I choose not to invite to share this part of my journey. I don't want the criticism; I second guess myself plenty, without any help from anyone. I don't want constant questions; I question myself enough. I don't want to know how hard it is; I know.

I'm wringing my hands, a sure sign I'm anxious. Frankly, I'm scared silly. I've done my best to protect Laurel Hawkes in every way possible, but if she's going to fly, then she has to risk exposing herself. If she can't feel safe here, with people who are already her friends, she'll never make it out in the cold, cruel world of the open market.

So, all those times I've blogged about projects, I was talking about writing.

This is a Birthday/Christmas gift to myself. Stepping into the light. I feel a bit as if I were an owl, blinking at the brightness. If you know me and my family personally, please be respectful. And yes, there are people in my life of whom I must make such a request. Everybody has them. The request has been made, and that's all I can do. I'm choosing not to continue in the shadows simply to keep from being hurt by them.

This is me, taking a risk.

Week Twenty-Four of REAL...

2011-12-08T05:00:00.000-08:00

The 2nd: weigh in: 235 lb. Going down....

The 3rd: weigh in: 234.2 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Two and a half mile walk. One more SEAL puppy rep.

The 4th: weigh in: 235 lb. Oh, no. Not allowed to go back up. Not going there again. I'm done.

The 5th: weigh in: 234.2 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Didn't even try to go for a walk, today. It's cold! I also managed to sleep only two hours last night... or should I say this morning? My mind was so busy, I couldn't settle. Not going to beat myself up over it.

The 6th: weigh in 234.2 lb. Not going to beat myself up. This time of the month, I'm lucky I haven't packed on 5-10 lb.

The 7th: weigh in: 235 lb. Not bad considering what I ate. One SEAL puppy rep. One-mile walk. One more SEAL puppy rep. I love my new sleeping schedule. I do much better on the days I stick to it.

The 8th: weigh in: 234.4 lb. Waist circumference: 39.5". Whoohoo!! One SEAL puppy rep. Using makeup, today. Yes, that's an announcement for me. There's really only two choices: I allow myself to change, or I stay where I am. And that second choice sounds so sad, especially when I've been going to so much effort to change!

To all those struggling to move forward, it looks like I'm finally allowing myself to step onto that path with you, without wondering if I'm out of mind. I would be crazy to stay where I am.

Video for me....

2011-12-07T03:00:00.002-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ex33wtqnNz8

Its a 10-minute video by Diamonds And Heels. She is a beautiful, young model with severe acne, and by the time she finishes her makeup regime, you can't tell she has acne. Yes, I'm posting this on all my blogs, today. Why? Because it is a huge Game Changer for me.

I've often complained about how scarred my face is from acne. God, of course, has been listening, and apparently has decided I'm ready, even if I don't think so. God has taken away my excuse. God does that.

Now, what I haven't mentioned is how terrified this makes me. I've hidden behind the scars. People are uncomfortable looking at me. They don't want to stare, so they don't look at me at all. One cheek looks like there's a giant upside down "Y" on it. The fear has been building ever since I saw the video. Mind you, I haven't watched the whole thing, yet. I will before I post this. My stomach is rolling, as the fear has been growing.

Then Nikon Sniper posted Nikon Sniper: Great Is Thy Faithfulness for the day, including this scripture:

Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the LORD, who is my refuge--
10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

So, I guess God can handle a bit of fear and some scars, too.

Cuteness alert!

2011-12-06T03:00:00.000-08:00

These showed up in my Funny Cat Photos and Cute Puppies gadgets, and all I could think was how perfect they looked together, as if they were meant to be a matched pair:

Carpe diem... Today's a must... sort of...

2011-12-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

Things I must do, today:

~Prep for submitting a project

Everything else is negotiable.

The problem... sigh... the next five days or so are toast. Head/desk.

This picture fits:

Done. The project was a friend of mine's. I'm looking forward to seeing her complete it. I also worked a little on my own. :-)

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #80

2011-12-04T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Jeremy Camp's Walk By Faith http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgWOcYpHm0o&NR=1

~Rain here and snow in the high country!

~Supportive friends, who push me to keep trying.

~Books! I'm reading the books I've collected over the years with a Christmas theme.

~One of our local service groups has an annual pancake breakfast. I look forward to it, every year. The money they raise goes to a number of good causes. They don't charge much. In return, I enjoy pancakes with butter and syrup, two sausage links, and orange juice. I have this event on my calendar, a year in advance. It's fun. I also love the sausage. I can't eat it often because I'm allergic to pepper. I'm fortunate enough to be able to cheat occasionally, but I do have to be careful. It's easier when I'm able to tell myself that I will be able to have sausage again next year. And yes, that's enough to make me happy. :-)

My Heroes... DF...

2011-12-03T03:00:00.000-08:00

That would be Dear Friends. This is long over due, except that I didn't quite know how to approach it. There are family members I include in this, and friends I've met and friends I haven't. There are friends that I know through different groups I associate with online and in person. What they all have in common is that because of my association with them I am a better person. In each, I see something that I want to make an increased part of my life, be it enthusiasm, passion, courage, faith, steadfastness, loyalty, kindness, hope, love, etc.

Every good thing comes from God. I've lost count of the number of times I've sought the Lord in prayer, needing one thing or another, and invariably, the vast majority of the time, God sends someone who says or does or is an example of exactly what I need.

God is aware of what we need before we ask it, but sometimes it's important to ask.

Thank you, Dear Friends, for all you give me.

I don't know which widget/gadget I found this in, but it makes me smile:

My SEAL puppy reps...

2011-12-02T03:00:00.002-08:00

Yesterday, it was pointed out that seal puppy is also a Pilates routine. Though I posted a reply in the comments, I thought it might be a good idea to make it today's post. So, this is me clarifying what a SEAL puppy rep is to me. I think I only mention it once or twice in all my meanderings.

The creation of my SEAL puppy reps was brought on when I read Marcus Luttrell's The Lone Survivor. I was impressed, to say the least, on many levels.

This is the minimum requirement is to be accepted into the Navy SEAL's training program:

1. A 500-yard swim using the breast or sidestroke in 12 min 30 sec.
2. A minimum of 42 pushups in 2 min.
3. A minimum of 50 sit-ups in 2 minutes.
4. A minimum of 6 dead-hang pull-ups.
5. A 1-1/2 mile run in 11 min 30 sec wearing boots and long pants.

There is no way on the planet I can accomplish that. My back is a mess, and so is my ankle, which caused the back problem. That being said, instead of giving up and whining that I can't do it, I decided to adapt, and created my own routine. In The Lone Survivor, Marcus Luttrell also talks about all the flutter kicks they do to build core strength. So, I looked at what was there and decided what I could do. Since it's based very loosely on the SEAL routine, I gave it the name SEAL to remind me that I was working to become stronger. But since what I do is so tiny in comparison, I decided I'm more like a perpetual puppy, never to run with the big dogs. I'm okay with that. At least I'm a puppy instead of a bump on a log. And the grouping I chose is done in a series of 10, hence the reps.

My SEAL puppy reps consist of 10 girl pushups, 10 crunches, and flutter kicks to the count of 10. Mind you, I started with 1 and have worked my way up. So when I do two SEAL puppy reps, I've done a total of 20.

So there's the truth about my SEAL puppy reps. Not impressive at all to anyone but me.
:-)

Week Twenty-Three of REAL...

2011-12-01T05:00:00.000-08:00

The 25th: weigh in: 237.4 lb. No surprise, after al the delicious food, yesterday. One SEAL puppy rep.

The 26th: weigh in: 237.4 lb. Leftovers. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. One SEAL puppy rep. Two-mile walk. One SEAL puppy rep.

The 27th: weigh in: 237.2 lb. Whoohoo! I was worried that with the holiday, I would slip up the scale again. Nope. Well done.

The 28th: weigh in: 237.2 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. One-mile walk. One SEAL puppy rep.

The 29th: weigh in 237.8 lb. Not going to complain... well, actually, I've been complaining to myself, so I'm stopping now.

The 30th: weigh in: 237.4 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. One-mile walk. One more SEAL puppy rep.

December:

The 1st: weigh in: 236 lb. Waist circumference: 40". Cool. I really like this new schedule, and it seems to be working for me on several levels. We'll see what the coming week brings.

I needed a smile...

2011-11-30T03:00:00.000-08:00

And you're being forced to join in. Power. Control. Mwahahaha... Ehem... I really, really need a smile. Thank you FB! This simply makes me feel better.

Prayer life...

2011-11-29T03:00:00.002-08:00

This has made an appearance because I've been working on mine, and I have a few friends who want to improve theirs.

Starting from ground zero: No prayer life. Actually, I don't really know what that's like. I have carried on conversations with God all my life. That being said, there have been times of low communication, and it wasn't when I was angry with God. The most likely time for me not to pray is when I don't feel like I have the right to approach the throne of God. Handy little tool of the adversary's that.

Prayer was difficult after I lost my horse, and again after I lost my dog. They were with God, and I couldn't be there. I didn't now how to pray without weeping, so prayer became very surface. "Just checkin' in God. I'm still here, and I still don't want to talk about it, because I'll cry."

God will wait.

Once I felt like I was ready to start praying more formally, I found myself without a thought in my head. Really. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to pray for myself, because I knew what I'd ask wasn't possible.

Probably a good place to mention that I prayed all my life to find someone with whom I could share my life, have a family. It didn't happen. All the promises about God answering prayers (yes, I realize that God sometimes says, no) including the ones about if you're praying for something good, then He will give it to you, in His time. It's all I'd prayed for sometimes. I hadn't figured out my deeper dream, yet.

So what do you do? I could do gratitude prayers. Even after the loss of my furry children, I was thankful for friends and work. But that's a benefactor, not a relationship. I knew I needed more. What was the next step?

I tried praying for me again, and found those old questions filtering through. When am I going to marry? Having children is becoming less and less likely. I'm seriously messed up. I don't want to enter a marriage this messed up, because the type of person I attract scares me silly.

Stepped back. Went back to gratitude prayers, but was quickly back to needing more.

I was blessed with new friends. They asked me to pray for them. I could do that. They asked me to pray for their friends and family. I could do that. They asked me to pray for people on their prayer list. I could do that. It only took a moment. There was no excuse not to take that moment to offer a prayer for them.

I still couldn't pray for me. My life was such a mess. I was working to straighten it out, but I didn't even know where to start. Counseling helped me sort, and I could pray to ask for help with the homework assignments given by my counseling.

Then August 2010, I was encouraged to try a 40 days and nights challenge. There were several things on the list, but I chose to focus on praying on my knees, every day. Every 40 days, I start over. I have it on my calendar, which sends me a reminder. Every day I go in and change which day it is, so I receive a new reminder the next day. I don't delete the reminder until I've said my prayers. At first, they were quick prayers, right before I went to bed, because I'd forgotten all day long. But gradually, it's lengthened, so has my prayer list. I actually remember to pray first thing in the morning, sometimes.

This last year, I knew I needed to pray for me. That was when I started the exploration of what is it I truly want from God. Children are off the table; I'm too old. Marriage is unlikely; when would I have time? So what was it I wanted? After months of searching, I finally realized that what I wanted more than anything was to be a blessing. I have no trouble praying for help with that.

Now, all that being said, I have talked to God all my life. One of the things I loved about my horse was going out every morning to take care of him, and talking to God the whole time. Telling Him what my plans for the day were. Asking Him to bless my horse and my dog. Thanking Him for the beauty of the day and for my horse and my dog and and and and and... How did I form that habit? In high school, in one of my religion classes, there was a story about someone praying but not closing the prayer. So, I stopped closing the prayer, until the end of the day. I close my prayers now, but I have a running dialogue on the side.

God knows everything. I can't tell Him anything He doesn't already know. Prayer isn't about telling Him or informing Him. Prayer is about me doing what is within my power to develop and strengthen my relationship with Him. He will do His part. Every single time. He will never falter. I may not understand some of the things He lets slide and some of the things He doesn't, but He is perfect. I'm not. This is about me acknowledging that I'm not, and that I need His help. This is about me doing my part to make this relationship work. There is so much I cannot do. Prayer is such a simple, small, seemingly insignificant thing, and yet it is connecting to God who is all powerful, all knowing, and all loving.

When I refuse to pray, it saddens God, but it doesn't diminish Him in the least. It diminishes me, and locks me in a dark, silent room, with a door that only I am able to open. And all I have to do is say, "Our Father Who Art In Heaven..." and "God..." works, too.

Carpe diem... No NASCAR...

2011-11-28T03:00:00.000-08:00

Alas no NASCAR. Didn't want to let go, yet. Sigh. Okay, moving on.

What I plan to accomplish, today, keeping in mind that PLAN is a four-letter word:

~Read
~Projects
~Bake cookies. I'm out. Tragedy!
~Laundry

Have I mentioned that I love the Funny Cat Photos widget? ;-D

Done.

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #79

2011-11-27T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Matthew West's Strong Enough http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knuHDPbE5es&NR=1

~Friends with whom I am able to share my heart.

~Laughter that comes from deep inside, true and honest. It isn't the same as the laughter that is there for show.

~Amazing, delicious food.

~Beautiful days.

I think this is post #500. Wow. What a chatterbox. :-)

My Heroes... Abuse Survivors...

2011-11-26T03:00:00.000-08:00

Abuse survivors who choose to be chain breakers, to not pass the abuse along to another victim.

This post could/will be triggering for some readers, as it addresses issues of sexual abuse. Do I think someone's child could read it? With an adult. It won't contain much that hasn't been in the news recently. It would be a good opportunity to talk about boundaries and respect for self and others. If you haven't been abused yourself, you know someone who has been, even if you don't realize it. When I was growing up the statistics stated that 1 in 4 to 1 in 3 girls and boys do not make it out of their teen years without being sexually abused. I've heard more recent statistics that suggest that the number is greatly underestimated, because so much is unreported. For far too many, it is not a one-time event but repeated.

Many of the following thoughts have been hanging around in a rough draft for a long time, waiting until I felt ready to share them. It's ugly, and it's painful. There comes a time when you have to stop pretending like that elephant isn't in the living room. It's there, and I'm willing to talk about, even when it's uncomfortable.

Tell the truth, no matter how uncomfortable... was the original title of this post. I didn't want to use heroes; I don't see myself that way. I've fretted and waffled and squirmed, then decided to post on a day and a weekend that will see little traffic here. This is not pretty or fun. I debated with myself. I know some people will see me differently. I know that this will burn some bridges. How do I know I need to follow through, no matter how difficult? It lays on my heart like a weight. So, I pray God will be able to use what I write here to help someone step onto the path of healing or turn a stumbling block into a stepping stone.

Never underestimate the power of telling the truth. That being said, “The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.” – Barry Stevens, born Mildred Fox.

The trigger for me: What's been going on with Penn State started it. An expose on a different incident on the news. And then a place I enjoy visiting shared a picture for the picture itself, without taking into account the words on the picture. I could have simply stopped going, saying nothing. But I couldn't remain silent and stated that being a sexual abuse survivor, the implications made me cry. The picture was removed with an apology. There are plenty of things that don't appeal to me, and I have the right not to look. And have done so on numerous occasions, without a problem. Not this time. It triggered flashbacks. I was trembling, and crying, and felt crushed and betrayed. And it wasn't about them. It was me recognizing that I had established boundaries that were violated, however unwittingly, and I had to take hold of my courage with both hands and stand up for me without being nasty about it. I don't know how successful I was. I still feel out of sorts. I want to feel proud of myself for standing up for me, but I simply feel tired and sad about the whole thing.

I know, I've left out a lot of information. The details don't actually matter, because if it hadn't been this, it would have been something else. And to be honest, this post is more for me than anyone else. I needed to know how far I've come in my journey to healing.

What I learned from the experience: I have a line that I will not cross, not for any reason. And that line isn't where I thought it was. I now know the defining difference between my no-go areas as opposed to my prefer-not-to-go areas. I will not remain silent anymore. I am willing to be vulnerable, and making that choice strengthens me even as it scares me. Others may be embarrassed or uncomfortable with my decision to speak out, but I will not be ashamed anymore. I never should have been in the first place, but it's a difficult lie to overcome.

I read an article that questioned whether or not sexual abuse really was abuse. It is, but it isn’t about sex; it’s about power. Disgusting, despicable, evil. EVIL. The sex is used to humiliate and control. Something good and sacred is turned to filth and evil. It’s the final violation of all boundaries, because it is inflicted on the body and the mind and the spirit. It’s a brutal attack on trust. There is no excuse. These degenerate, depraved individuals need psychological help, and if they still aren’t able to grow a conscience, then they need to be put in jail in order to protect society from their perverted insanity.

Ritual abuse is real and is usually wrapped up in church rituals, to glean trust and respectability, though there are other forms of it as well. You only have to see the face of evil once to know how real it is. This is not spirituality; this is evil all dressed up in pretty clothes to make it more palatable. These liars go hand-in-hand with those who declare that sex between adults and children is perfectly normal and causes the children no harm, because it's all love. How Evil must laugh with glee for cloaking itself so cleverly.

Incest isn't only between parents and children. It's often between siblings, or close relatives. Family is supposed to be the relationship of trust on which we build all others. Someone who is trusted and loved violates their power and authority over someone who should be protected. Again, they will call it love, but an honest lover does not destroy the loved one. And that is what must be done for this behavior to continue. The victim must be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually crushed in order for the predator to maintain power and control. The predator will always blame the victim, and lie without compunction.

I saw a recent report about how victims are encouraged to call the police. I scoffed and shook my head at the ignorance regarding victims. Some will, but most will not. The victim is brutally taught that it is their fault, and that they are to blame.

The following quote was made in regards to a Washington scandal, but is an accurate statement regarding predators: Kirsten Powers wrote - "But even if I could see past the lying and extreme narcissism that is noteworthy even by Washington standards, there is the issue of his attitude toward women. What has emerged is a picture of a predator trolling the Internet for women—some half his age—with which to engage in cybersex.... This is not about sex. It’s about dominating and inflicting physical pain on a woman, a fantasy the hard-core porn industry makes billions of dollars on selling to men."

Talking with my dear friend, the other day, we both realized that the problem with calling it sexual abuse is that it isn't about sex. It's about power. Power to control, manipulate, and destroy another human being for the predator's own ends. They can rename it, disguise it, try to normalize it all they want, calling it love or affection or obsession or irresistible, but it's a lie all the same. It's the attempted murder of a soul. And sometimes it succeeds, when you consider how many abuse victims commit suicide, because they can't live with what happened.

Penn State certainly isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened, and it won't be the last. How does this evil continue to perpetuate? "It's a secret." It's shameful. It's horrific. It's someone else. It couldn't possibly be true. Excuse me? Why not? But go ahead and choose your excuse of the day. Maybe if we pretend it isn't there, it will go away. It won't.

The only way to end this evil is to drag it into the light, and not allow it to crawl back into the safety of darkness.

Sunlight is a great sanitizer, and the Son's Light is the perfect sanitizer.

Black Friday...

2011-11-25T03:00:00.000-08:00

...or not.

To those out shopping till you drop, have fun!!

I'm staying home, to enjoy leftovers from yesterday's dinner. The day was fantastic. My friend and I went to dinner at Cracker Barrel, and had their Thanksgiving special. Yummy!! Then we chatted, for hours. Around dinner time, we had a slice of pumpkin pie, with whip cream. Yummy! We talked about everything and anything, with a bit of Christmas music playing in the background. By the time I headed home, our throats were sore, and we could have talked for several more hours. A very blessed day.

Once I returned home, I hopped onto the internet to see what catching up I needed to do, and found the following picture in my Funny Cat Photos widget, and thought of more wonderful friends who helped to make this holiday one of gratitude for the rich blessings in my life, of which my friends are among the dearest.

Week Twenty-Two of REAL...

2011-11-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

The 18th: weigh in: 237.2 lb. Likin' this. One SEAL puppy rep.

The 19th: weigh in: 237.4 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. One-mile walk.

The 20th: weigh in: 238.8 lb. Wait a minute... Actually, I know what happened. Stress. Nasty critter.

The 21st: weigh in: 236.8 lb. More stress, but of a very different variety. The Sprint Cup Chase was the best EVER, nail biting all the way to the end. Who could eat? One-SEAL puppy rep.

The 22nd: weigh in 237.2 lb. I'm liking the changing in sleeping. It's actually reduced some stress.

The 23rd: weigh in: 237 lb. Two SEAL puppy reps. The new schedule is a bit strange, but it seems to be working for me. We'll see how I do over the holidays. So far, so good.

The 24th: weigh in: 236.6 lb. Waist circumference: 40". Wow. So, this is what happens when you finally decide to follow you're heart's work. Cool. :-)

Happy Thanksgiving! May you be blessed with peace and joy and friendship and laughter. Lots and lots of laughter. May God bless our troops and their families, for they are the ones that have too often made the ultimate sacrifice for freedom and liberty.

Happy Thanksgiving...

2011-11-23T03:00:00.000-08:00

Since tomorrow is REAL, I'm starting Thanksgiving a day early. Every Sunday, I have my list of the things for which I'm grateful.

This Thanksgiving will be unlike any I've ever known. I'm sharing it with a friend. I'm looking forward to lots of chatting and laughing. I don't care what we eat. I'm going to be allowed to be myself wholly and completely. That is truly something for which to be grateful.

Sometimes, when God closes a door, He opens a window. And sometimes He closes a window and opens double doors. But those double doors may look incredibly scary. That being said, the doors are wide enough for me to put my hand in God's and walk through with Him.

This was taken 15-20 years ago, and about 70-80 lb lighter. (Never noticed before that it's the weight of my dog.) My baby has been gone from this life for five years, and I still miss her desperately. I am so grateful God gave her to me for seventeen incredible years. I would never have made it through some of the insanity I did without her. Who would take care of her, if anything happened to me? She was my angel from God, my living reminder that He loves me and is aware of me. Thanks, God, for blessing me with such a precious angel child. They say that dogs and their owners look alike. I always wished I was as pretty as she was. She taught me to be enthusiastic about the little things, patient in the everyday annoyances, and love no matter what with all that you are. She also taught me to be aware that though some people look friendly, they aren't and to stay away. It just took me a little longer to figure that one out. In my prayers, from time to time, I ask God to throw a ball for her, or hide a treat, or give her a cuddle because He can do what I can't.

Too cute not to share...

2011-11-22T03:00:00.000-08:00

...and today's the perfect day for it. I think I saw it on FaceBook.

Carpe diem... NASCAR...

2011-11-21T03:00:00.000-08:00

NASCAR ~ Nationwide ~ For the record, Ricky Stenhouse Jr won the championship. In Saturday's race, Carl came in 3rd. Sprint Cup ~ Homestead ~ Last race of the season ~ Carl had the pole to start. In-car camera with Carl! Whoohoo! Tony Stewart won the race and the championship. Congratulations! And Carl came in second in the race and the championship. Well done!! Looking forward next Season, starting in February.

What will I accomplish, today? Hard to say. Family is visiting for the week, so the schedule has been turned topsy-turvy. I will read and work on some projects.

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #78

2011-11-20T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Amazing Grace by Andre Rieu http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zyknt8-THM8&feature=share

~Faith to follow Jesus, no matter what.

~Incredible, supportive friends.

~Jimmy Thomas calender and more yummy pictures made it through the USPS unspoiled.

~Unexpected possibilities.

I have no idea where this picture came from. It showed up in one of my widgets, and I thought it breathtaking; still do, every time I see it.

My Heroes... Diane Gaston...

2011-11-19T03:00:00.000-08:00

Diane writes romance novels, amazing Regency romance novels. Here's her website: http://dianegaston.com Why I chose her this week, as opposed to some other week (she was going to end up here sooner or later) is because of her blog post.

I've known Diane for a few years now. My friend Mary, sent me one of Diane's books, The Mysterious Miss M, a Regency romance. It resonated with me. I then bought every book by Diane I could find. She is on my Must-Buy list. Diane is the first author I ever wrote, April 16, 2006. I wouldn't have done it, except that Mary assured me that authors loved to hear from readers. I didn't think she'd have time to bother with me. She answered, and we've kept in touch ever since.

Because of my experience with Diane, I've written several other authors. Most have written back. A few have not. I've met some amazing, generous, heartwarming women. Actually, I haven't actually met most of them. I have met a few, and I like them in person, too, though in person I feel a bit like a fan girl, and it feels really awkward. Not their fault, but mine. I'm learning to be more self-confident. Huge difference.

My favorite writers have characteristics in common, like honor, courage, hope, and love. They believe in good winning over evil, that it's important to keep trying, and that happily ever after is possible.

So, drop your favorite author an email, and let them know you appreciate them. Writers write for themselves, but if they didn't want to share their stories, they wouldn't bother with publishing.

Well, pickles...

2011-11-18T03:00:00.000-08:00

Those who have been reading this blog, for a long time, may recall my battle to change certain words in my vocabulary. In fact, I knew I couldn't find the references so I added the "Search This Blog" gadget, and it works. Yep. There are the references to me wanting to change swear words to "pickles."

Update: It didn't work. Shoot.

That being said, I think I've finally found a word that works. BAH!

Consider: Dam is a closed word. Say it. Feel how your mouth works. Then say BAH! Nice an open. It occurred to me that when I'm swearing it's because I want to let something out, stress, tension, frustration, anger, fear. I want it out. So why am I choosing a word that keeps it all in? I've been using BAH! for a while now. I still slip into the old habits from time to time, usually when I'm trying to keep things in, i.e., not explode all over someone. For those who have seen it, yes, I'm exercising control. I know, hard to believe. But true, nonetheless.

In case you haven't figured out by now, I'm really into words. The English language is the most amazing language on the planet. It incorporates words from other languages without apology. It's diverse, rich, and difficult. Nothing worth having is easy.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. ~ Mark Twain

Week Twenty-One of REAL...

2011-11-17T03:00:00.000-08:00

The 11th: weigh in: 239 lb. Overslept. Missed my nap. Noticed.

The 12th: weigh in: 239.2 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Walk two and a half miles. One SEAL puppy rep.

The 13th: weigh in: 239.8 lb. Overslept, again. All the rain is great, though it has triggered my allergies. Not complaining. Needing to recognize that it wears me out. It's that not being able to breathe thing.

The 14th: weigh in: 239 lb. Hmmm.... Two SEAL puppy reps.

The 15th: weigh in 238.2 lb. Ooooo I'm liking this.

The 16th: weigh in: 237.2 lb. Whoohoo!! One SEAL puppy rep. One-mile walk. One SEAL puppy rep. The change in my schedule seems to be working for me. YAY!

The 17th: weigh in: 238 lb. Waist circumference: 40". Well, will you look at that. Despite the bad day for REAL, that's pretty good. I like the consistency, especially since it includes a downward trend.

A bad day for REAL...

2011-11-16T03:00:00.000-08:00

How do you know it's a bad day for the REAL program?

~You're proud of yourself for rolling out of bed, in the morning.
~You're proud of yourself for eating only half a loaf of bread, instead of the entire loaf.
~You're proud of yourself for eating only six cookies, instead of the whole bag.
~You're proud of yourself for actually having breaks between meals, instead of one meal, all day long.
~You're proud of yourself for remembering that you really do need to exercise, starting tomorrow.
~You're proud of yourself for changing out of pajamas, before it was time to go back to bed.
~You're proud of yourself for remembering you have a REAL program.

Christmas shopping ideas...

2011-11-15T03:00:00.000-08:00

Saw this at FaceBook and wanted to be able to find it again easily to help me remember and plan. I looked for an original elsewhere but didn't find anything:

This is GREAT "people power" advice as shared by Doris Bowen....great thoughts for Holiday gift giving...really something to think about....

As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods -- merchandise that has been produced at the expense of American labor. This year will be different. This year Americans will give the gift of genuine concern for other Americans. There is no longer an excuse that, at gift giving time, nothing can be found that is produced by American hands. Yes there is!

It's time to think outside the box, people. Who says a gift needs to fit in a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper? Everyone -- yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local American hair salon or barber? Gym membership? It's appropriate for all ages who are thinking about some health improvement.

Who wouldn't appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, American owned detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a book of gift certificates.

Are you one of those extravagant givers who think nothing of plunking down the Benjamins on a Chinese made flat-screen? Perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or driveway plowed all winter, or games at the local golf course.

There are a bazillion owner-run restaurants -- all offering gift certificates. And, if your intended isn't the fancy eatery sort, what about a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. Remember, folks this isn't about big National chains -- this is about supporting your home town Americans with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.

How many people couldn't use an oil change for their car, truck or motorcycle, done at a shop run by the American working guy?

Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a local cleaning lady for a day.

My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is struggling to get his repair business up and running.

OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery and beautiful wooden boxes.

Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at your hometown theatre? Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands.

Honestly, people, do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand Chinese lights for the house? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about fifty cents stays in the community. If you have those kinds of bucks to burn, leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.

You see, Christmas is no longer about draining American pockets so that China can build another glittering city. Christmas is now about caring about US, encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow their dreams. And, when we care about other Americans, we care about our communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn't imagine. THIS is the new American Christmas tradition.

Forward this to everyone on your mailing list -- post it to discussion groups -- throw up a post on Craigslist in the Rants and Raves section in your city -- send it to the editor of your local paper and radio stations, and TV news departments. This is a revolution of caring about each other, and isn't that what Christmas is about?

I've also recently become acquainted with someone who works with Charity Hill, and she suggested keeping gift cards to local grocery stores with you to give away to people who seem to need it.

Confession: I watched the red carpet show for Twilight, last night. Yep. I did. It was fun. And yes, I waited to the bottom of the post to mention it. :-) Team Jacob!!

Carpe diem... NASCAR one to go...

2011-11-14T03:00:00.000-08:00

NASCAR is in Phoenix, this past weekend. Nationwide ~ Carl came in third. Well done! The track has been redone since the last race there, so it was a good opportunity to acquaint himself with it before the Sprint Cup race. Go Carl!!! Spring Cup ~ WHOOHOO!!! In-car camera!! Carl came in second! Well done!! And he's still #1 in the Chase! WHOOHOO!!!!

Plans for the day:
~Laundry
~Project
~Read

This always makes me smile:

No laundry; saved for another day. Doesn't that sound so much better than procrastinated for another day?

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #77

2011-11-13T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Matthew West's My Own Little World

~In keeping with this weekend: The military and their families.

~More rain! I think Texas still needs rain, as well as the South. Peanuts are important, especially if you love peanut butter.

~Yummy bread. I really do love this bread recipe. It makes me wonder why I bothered buying bread all those years.

~I've started my TBR Christmas books. They're Christmas-themed books that I re-read every year. This week I finished Tara Taylor Quinn's The Promise of Christmas. It may be a trigger for some survivors, but I've found it inspiring.

My Heroes... Veterans...

2011-11-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

As I read about Andrew's recovery, I am inspired and impressed. I also know that he is one of many. I feel blessed to know him, if only second hand, so to speak. He and his family, from what I've read, are symbolic of the warrior spirit, and those who choose that path. I may be coming to it late in life, but I hope to learn from these awesome examples of courage and perseverance and strength against all odds.

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to “The United States of America” for an amount of “up to and including my life.” ~Anonymous

I'm Proud To Be An American ~ American Soldier Tribute

Freedom isn't free. No freedom is free. God may give it freely, but then we are charged with nurturing and protecting it, for the adversary is bent on destroying it.

Veteran's Day....

2011-11-11T03:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/v/ervaMPt4Ha0&autoplay=1

Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you:
Jesus Christ and the American G.I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

WallBuilders History of Veteran's Day and link to ways to thank a veteran.

We Are One: Time to Remember

Found on FaceBook by Jennifer Hartley:

Week Twenty of REAL...

2011-11-10T06:00:00.000-08:00

The 4th: weigh in: 241.4 lb. Bad dreams, but not unexpected. Comfort food: My yummy homemade bread.

The 5th: weigh in: 241 lb. Wait... What? Did you see what I ate yesterday? One-mile walk.

The 6th: weigh in: 241.6 lb.

The 7th: weigh in: 241.6 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. No walk. It was raining, which was wonderful, but no walk. With the change in DST, I'm having to shift my schedule a bit. I did take a half-hour nap. I like doing that. There is something about calming myself, body and mind, in the middle of the day.

The 8th: weigh in 241 lb. How did that happen? I don't know, and I'm not complaining, only curious, so I can keep doing it.

The 9th: weigh in: 241.6 lb. I ate badly, yesterday, so I'm not surprised, though I'm pleased it isn't worse. Today, starting new. One SEAL puppy rep. One-mile walk. Two more SEAL puppy reps. Physical therapy, without weights.

The 10th: weigh in: 239.8 lb. Waist circumference: 40". Well, will you look at that. The weight stayed pretty steady, and yet going down, a bit. I like that. Now, how do I continue that trend? I'm really liking the nap. It's taken a lot of stress off of the nighttime sleep. If I don't sleep well at night, it's okay because a nap is coming. It's also cooler for me sleeping in the middle of the day, than when I go to bed at night. I sleep better if I'm cooler. I like the new routine well enough to follow it for another week.

"Happy 236th birthday to the U.S. Marine Corps! Semper Fi!" God bless them.

Why can't I ignore it....

2011-11-09T03:00:00.002-08:00

"Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"By their fruits ye shall know them."

On a previous post, it was suggested that I simply ignore what it going on in the world around me that I have no control over. It led me to asking myself, "why don't I ignore it?" I certainly did most of my life. And look where that landed me.

Okay, that was snarky.

So, why don't I ignore what's going on in the world around me? Especially when I have no power or influence regarding it.

Even if there is nothing within my capabilities to change or influence what is happening, this is an opportunity for me to do a gut check. WHAT do I believe? HOW do I feel about it?

In fact, this is a great time for me to explore negative feelings, because I'm not personally invested in it, except how it applies to me.

More than that, it's become an opportunity for me to take responsibility for the information I glean. There was a time when I allowed others to feed me all the information I took in. Their opinions. Their ideas. Their values. Their beliefs. They were people I trusted. What I didn't acknowledge was that I was handing over my rights to be a human being to someone else. I was allowing someone else to live my life for me, by allowing them to all but make my decisions for me. Making my decisions based on their information was not independent thinking or trusting God.

Then I started the truth campaign. It is a difficult, frustrating, terrifying road to choose. I came to realize that some of those trusted sources of information weren't trustworthy. I discovered that most of those sources of information held opinions, beliefs, and values that may have seemed like my own on the surface, but when I looked deeper were nothing at all like what I wanted to believe.

Choosing to search for the truth isn't an easy decision to follow. It requires an incredible amount of work. If I hear something from one source, I find myself searching for other sources. Is it true? Does it matter? I'm learning to turn those questions around. Does it matter? Is it true? If it matters, then I better make sure it's true. If it doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter if it's true or not. But I like to know, because it's astonishing how interrelated our world is.

And "I feel good about it" is not an acceptable answer on its own. I have to have done my homework, in every possible way, and truly studied out to the last possible piece of information available to me, before I'm allowed to claim I feel good about it. Granted, there is so much information available that one could become lost in it. Striking a balance between studying and procrastinating through study isn't easy. But too often I allowed myself to be easily swayed by what I thought I wanted to hear. That was the root of more problems than I care to recollect. I wanted the answer to be easy. Pray about it, and God will tell me. Wait. What? Where did I learn that?

James 1:5 "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to al men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."

And here in lies the problem with picking and choosing. Whenever anything is done piecemeal, without tying it into a whole, you end up with slipshod work.

Ephesians 6:13: "Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand the evil day, and having done all, to stand."

Whoa! I know what's involved with putting on armor. It isn't a snap decision. It isn't a "I feel good about it" activity. One does not do it alone. It is not easy. And it cannot be rushed. And you had better have done the work required beforehand to accept what wearing that armor means. And I don't mean the end part, being in battle. Armor is heavy! You have to have the muscle strength and stamina to wear it.

When I ask myself questions I'm asking if I'm prepared. Where do I stand? What do I believe? Me. Not what was I told to believe. Not where was I told to stand. What is my decision? What is my choice? Because it is those decisions and choices that make me who I am.

For so many years I felt very one dimensional, a chameleon. I existed for whatever purpose I was told I existed for; never for myself. Then it stopped working for me. I started making some defining decisions. I no longer fit in the mold. And I was utterly lost. What saved me from the abyss? My knowledge that Jesus Christ is my Savior.

Am I suggesting that everything in my life is life or death? Pertinent to my Eternal Salvation? No. I do believe that my core beliefs are essential to my Eternal Salvation, and asking myself questions allows me to explore those core beliefs.

In the past, I've been trapped, repeatedly, by questions that seemed wholly unrelated to my beliefs, until the clever questioner snapped the trap shut and accused me of being a hypocrite. And to my horror, I would realize they were right, because I hadn't done my homework to find out what the questions really meant.

So, I step back, and question, and question, and question. I look around me today and see so many similarities to what was happening in Germany before the Holocaust. I don't believe saying, "I didn't know" - when all the evidence was there - is an acceptable answer. Closing my eyes and la-la-la-ing is not an acceptable answer. I pray things do not reach that impasse, but I cannot guarantee it will not. It wouldn't be the first time. I will not pretend such reprehensible behavior is a thing of the past. Evil exists. The only thing that keeps it at bay is people choosing and doing good.

"When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle." ~Edmund Burke

I will not be a pawn because I was ignorant. I spent my whole life being used as a pawn, being used against one person and another, as others played their elaborate games. I will not be a pawn again. I will not plead ignorance. If I don't know, and it matters, I will do the work necessary to find the truth. Sticking my head in the sand is no longer an option. Allowing others to force feed me is not an option.

So, no; I won't ignore it, I may not be called upon to give an accounting of my beliefs, yet, but the time will come. I want to be able to answer boldly and with confidence what I believe and think and feel, not depending on anyone to prompt me or guide me, but God. The only way I will be able to fulfill that desire is to ask the hard questions now, study now, decide now.

God gave me a brain and a heart, not to be idle but to use. I will be held accountable, sooner or later, for my thoughts and actions. And I won't be able to lie. God, and only God, is able to look into my soul and see the truth there. Oddly enough, I find comfort in that assurance.

God breeze...

2011-11-08T03:00:00.000-08:00

Nikon Sniper made this post at his site Nikon Sniper: Mount St. Helens

Go read it. I'll still be here when you finish. And be sure to click on the picture! It goes full screen. Breathtaking.

A little background information. Nikon Sniper was touched by the downturn in the economy, like many of us. His job went away. He's been working toward finding what God wants him to do now.

Inspired from God for NS or me, I do not know, but with that knowledge in mind, this comment slipped out of my heart:

As I looked at this picture, I thought about how when you took this photo you had no way of knowing how your life was going to "blow up" in two years, and yet God gave you a peek into His ability to turn the most catastrophic events into awe-inspiring beauty, in His time. I need this reminder, too. My life "blew up" last January, and I've been fretting about the destruction and the lack of change, but God is creating something beautiful, if I will quiet my heart and allow it in His time.

Carpe diem... NASCAR winding down...

2011-11-07T03:00:00.000-08:00

NASCAR ~ Nationwide series, in Fort Worth, Texas. Carl led most of the laps (157/200) and came in third. Good to see Trevor Bayne win it. Well done, Trevor. Go Carl! Sprint Cup series, in Fort Worth, Texas. In-car camera with Carl. WHOOHOO!! Ooooo learned something new. If I click on Carl's camera, instead of the mosaic of four cameras, including the back stretch, I can listen to the radio communications of Carl's team, including Carl. Fun! And possibly I'm easily amused. ;-D Carl came in second!! Whoohoo!! And he is still #1 in the Chase!! WHOOHOO!!!!

Plan for the day:
~Adjust to the new time, and reschedule everything back an hour. *stupid daylight savings time*
~Laundry
~Project
~Bake cookies
~Prepare to sort papers on Tuesday
~Read

Done.

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #76

2011-11-06T03:00:00.000-08:00

~Todd Agnew Grace Like Rain

~Fresh, hot bread, with butter and honey or butter and homemade peach jam or butter and homemade blackberry jam or butter or nothing at all but yummy bread....

~Rain! We've had some lovely rain. And I picked out the song for this week, a few weeks ago.

~The power of a good book, to enlighten, encourage, uplift.

~Love the cute cat pictures from places like funny cat photos and http://icanhascheezburger.com/