Carpe diem... and starting...

...at the bottom.

Laundry: Done. Defrost fridge: Done. Check blogs: Done. Reading assignments: Done. Make better food choices: Done. I didn't do well on that last one, this past week. I did much better, today.

Sigh... I wrote "the bottom" and then deleted, knowing that I dared not post here... I suppose that's the real bottom. I struggle to own my feelings, but I must step carefully, every moment of every day, lest I find myself on the wrong end of a disagreement. I want to give the advice to others to create a way, when they are young, to be independent, and yet, I know all too well that such broad advice isn't truly helpful. It's like the quote I heard long ago: If a philosophy can fit in a nutshell, it should probably stay there.

So, I'm endeavoring to strip away all the lies and all the old dreams that no longer fit, to face the truth that I am not and never will be what I was taught I should be, and even my own image of myself is wrong on many levels, but not all. This means figuring out what I may keep, what is right, what is true to me, and then decide where I go from here, but that is for another day. Today, it is recognizing where I am and who I am. I have to start somewhere, someday. Today is as good a day as any.

This quote came in an email, from a friend, today, and it seemed remarkably fitting for the beginning of this journey:

"Faith is not about everything turning out OK;
"Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."