Continuing yesterday's thoughts...and an important announcement

To be fair, I've listened to Wayne Dyer speak on PBS, and I understand the importance of attitude. I well remember feeling like I had a stamp on my forehead saying "ABUSE ME" because my relationships, by and large, were abusive. When I started my third round of counseling, I finally figured out that I DID have a stamp on my forehead, so to speak. The way I interacted with people was a reflection of the behavior to which I was accustomed. I had to change how I interacted in order to change the types of relationships I had. It almost sounds like I'm advocating their philosophy. I'm not. This isn't about my expectations of the universe; this is about my expectations of myself. Life happens. Jobs are lost. People die. Sickness comes and goes, or not. I'm always baffled by those who think that we should all be prosperous and have picture-perfect lives. Job did not have the kind of life I would envy, neither did Paul or Peter or most of the Apostles. Could I do what Mother Theresa did? Nope. But I admire them no end.

I remember my frustration when I talked to my counselor about not knowing what to do. My prayers are pretty simple, and for the most part, I don't ask for things for me but for others. I was tired of the "wait" answer. My counselor looked me in the eye and asked, "What happened to John the Baptist?" He was beheaded. "What happened to Abinadi?" (Book of Mormon prophet) He was burned at the stake. "What happened to Joseph Smith?" I was quiet. My counselor prompted "He was shot." I replied, "I was thinking about him being tarred and feathered." My counselor's eyes widened, then he smiled, "Are you sure you want a definitive answer?" To which I promptly replied, "No, no, fuzzy is good. I can live with fuzzy."

This false idea that we have control over what's out there and what comes our way is nonsense. The ONLY thing over which we have control is whether or not we choose to look to God or not. All the other stuff is just stuff.

I can flood myself with positive thoughts about eating eggs. I love eggs. I mean, I really love eggs. For years, I've kept at least a dozen in the refrigerator at all times. No matter what. I have to have them. I am also highly allergic to them. Bran, which I've avoided for years, is a medium allergy. Eggs aren't just high, they are astronomical. The high range is between 700-800 and above. I scored over 1200. Yes, I'm really, really, really allergic to eggs. But I love 'em! I would take allergy pills so I could have eggs, over-easy, on toast. Yummy!

The important announcement: The ten eggs sitting in my refrigerator, that I only bought last Thursday, I gave away. All of them. At once. I feel like I've poured out the last bottle of wine or eaten that final piece of chocolate. No more. And I've established a plan that if I need eggs for baking, I will buy a dozen, use only what I need, and give the rest away. This is HUGE for me! This is about respecting myself and loving myself enough to let go of a hurtful habit. I did it, and will keep on taking steps to be healthier, in every aspect of my life.

No matter how much positive thinking I put into it, eggs will never be good for me. I have to change. I have to accept myself as I am and make changes that are in keeping with what truly matters, faith, hope, and charity. God has been amazingly patient in guiding me throughout my life. He always saw the bigger picture and what really mattered. One day soon, I'll post the discussion I had with my counselor about what I thought was what I should do and what God lead me to do. God's ways are not our ways. We can insist on our way, and He will let us go our own way, or we can reach deep for our trust and look to Him and say "Okay, God, what next?"