Carpe diem... yes and no...

I planned to wake up early and take myself for a walk. Surprise! Rain, lightening, and thunder. There went that idea. However, the rain is much appreciated, so I can't actually complain. I've managed to work on a few things that needed doing, but it doesn't feel like a seize the day type of day. Nothing spectacular; nothing earth shattering; nothing above and beyond. That being said, I didn't spend the day in bed, with the covers pulled over my head. I do remember having days like that, but it's been a while. Thank God. Actually, it was my dog that taught me to stop doing that, unless I'm sick. She had to go for a walk, go outside, be fed. What a lifesaver she was. I miss her. I'm still enjoying my homemade bread. I'm not sure if I'll be going back to store bought anytime soon, if at all. Then again, I haven't tried to make a PBJ sandwich, yet, and that is a consideration. I suppose, it feels more of a silly type of day. Nothing serious, nothing life-changing. A simple, ordinary day. Those are nice.

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #60

~Blessed rain.

~Homemade bread.

~Good books.

~Better friends.

~God's unwavering love, even if I don't always understand why He does what He does.

NASCAR note: Carl has had better weekends, but still doing well.

My Heroes... JRR Tolkien

It's ten years ago now that advertising for the new Lord of the Rings started. Fellowship of the Rings would be the first installment of the three-movie epic. I was dubious. I was skeptical. I wasn't going to go see the movie. How could any movie possibly live up to my expectations of one of my favorite books? I'd read it in junior high school. It was my first "grown up" book. It was the longest book I'd ever read, and I read it twice. Well, almost twice. When I hit the whining of Gollum in The Two Towers, again, I couldn't bear it. Nasty little creature. So, when I started seeing ads and specials, I noticed, but I was determined to not buy into the hype. I was sure they would jack up the title, stuff a new story under it, and call it good.

The movie opened in December 2001, months after 9/11. My sister had also read the books and wanted to see the movie. I agreed to go, when she offered to pay my way. Free movie. No problem. I'd suffer through it.

Surprise!

Ten years later, and life is nothing like it was before the LOTR trilogy, and nothing like I'd imagine it might be. It shook my carefully crafted reality, and dragged me out of my complacency. My world exploded with sights and sounds and experiences and emotions I never dreamed existed. I'm so grateful Tolkien shared his world that everlastingly changed mine for the better.

Quite the rant, yesterday...

I'm feeling less frenetic, today. What a blessing. How did I unwind? First, I made cookies, my favorite chocolate chip cookies. It does tend to wear me out a bit, but it's fun. Then I made bread. Best therapy on the planet. I haven't made bread in years. Then, two weeks ago, I bought a loaf of bread for $2.19. Last week, I bought another loaf of bread, but it was $2.29. This week, when I went shopping, that loaf of bread was $3.29. What?

Many years ago, I owned a bread machine. I didn't like how huge the loaf turned out. I didn't like the texture of the bread. And making bread wasn't what it used to be, for me. It's been a long time, since the last time I made bread. Today, I remembered why I enjoy it. Start with a Kitchen Aid mixer, with the whip attachment. Heat on the stove the buttermilk, sugar, salt, and butter so it's warm enough for the yeasty beasties, but not too warm. Do not roast the yeasty beasties. They die, and then the bread doesn't grow. Very sad. Next: In the mixer, blend flour and yeasty beasties. I used up my better-for-bread-flour. Then add warm milk mixture to flour mixture. Whip for 30 seconds on low or medium, and then on high for 3 minutes. Change out the whip for the hook. Do not take that the wrong way. I hated it when the old boyfriend made sexual innuendos out of everything I said no matter how innocent it was. Jerk. Anyway. With the hook attachment, gradually add flour, until dough bonds together. Remove to floured board and knead until dough is not sticky. I think I added a little too much flour, even though I hadn't added even the minimum amount required. Weather does that. I love kneading the bread. I don't know why. I don't care that I don't know why. I simply love this part. Total kneading should be at least ten minutes, making it a bit of a workout, if you're doing it right. That gentle push I see on the cooking shows, always makes me raise my eyebrows and shake my head. My way is better, because I said so. Hey, the bread is proof positive. Because I used rapid rise yeast, I let the dough rest for fifteen minutes. Then I cut the dough in approximately equal halves. While one half rested, I rolled the other half out. I also love this part. There is something incredibly satisfying about the squeaks and pops of the air bubbles formed by the yeasty beasties. Shape into a loaf and drop into a loaf pan. Repeat with the other loaf. I have stoneware, and love how it evenly cooks the loaf, and gives it a wonderful crust. That's me. I let the yeasty beasties do their job, which actually took longer than I thought it would, but they did their job, so I'm not complaining. Pop the loaves into the oven, and bake. When they sound hollow when you knock on the crust, they're done. Out of the oven, out of the pan, and onto a cooling rack. Allow to cool, and serve with butter. Life is good, and so is the bread.

I don't know what snapped, but between yesterday and today, I'm feeling much more like myself now. The black cloud has dissipated... oh. Sigh. Well that explains a lot. We've had storms rolling in for the past several nights. Today is the first day in about a week that there have been no storms. Unfortunately, I struggle with barometric headaches. Add to that, I used to love storms, until one particularly violent storm fried my computer. They've made me a little nervous ever since. It's probably only a small part of the story. There's been a lot going on, but I am feeling more lighthearted, for which I am truly grateful.

Week Two of REAL...

I was going to say it is making a difference, but I'm not sure it is. I am one pound lighter. Yippee-skippy. Whatever. Such enthusiasm.

Watching the news, today, I saw a new study is out. It says that obesity has either stayed the same or risen in every state in America. Not one has shown a decrease. Personally, I find this fascinating, and it actually verifies my theory that weight isn't the problem; it's a symptom. Consider the evidence: Foods are being banned. Detailed labels are demanded for everything. The food pyramid was changed to a plate. People are penalized by insurance companies for being overweight. There is no hue and cry in regards to the prejudice displayed against those who are overweight. In fact, hating fat is not only acceptable but encouraged. Fat is hated by every part of society, without regard to anything. Television shows, ad campaigns, books, movies, and even laws are created condemning obesity.

Really?

Human trafficking has reached an all time high, and these control freaks are more worried about what goes into my mouth?

Really? What in the world happened to our priorities?

Have I been less healthy, lately, than I have at other times? Yeppers. I'm feeling incredibly stressed. I'm worried. I'm not feeling safe right now. The old negative tape has had too much playing time of late. A part of me wonders if death might be a better option than more failure and humiliation, and is more than willing to encourage it by stuffing a little more food into my mouth. I know it isn't healthy. My tummy isn't happy, but how else do I stop the anxiety and everything that comes with it? I've tried a wide variety of techniques to reduce the stress, but nothing works as effectively or quickly as food. Food is amazingly numbing.

I'm not giving up. I'm tired. It happens. I'll work through it. I always do.

For the record: I'm ten pounds lighter than I was a year ago, this time, and I've kept it off for the past six months.

Now, consider this: Smoking is down. How do I know? There are programs that depend on the taxes paid by smokers. Those programs are underfunded, because smoking is down. Every single person I've ever met who has struggled with quitting smoking has complained about how much weight they gain when they quit. So, maybe the reduced smoking is being replaced by the increased weight? Or maybe people with no work eat more because they have more time, and it alleviates the stress? Or maybe because recess has been done away with, children have fewer opportunities to play? Or we have been terrorized by the EPA about pollution and the sun to the point where those who spent time outside exercising no longer do so? Or how about all those diet foods that are now being revealed as counterproductive? And the list goes on and on.

To those who think they can regulate the world away from being fat: I wonder if they ever consider the possibility that it is not about them and that they need to get over their own sense of self-importance? How frustrated they must be to be powerless to actually control others. Narcissistic much?

One of the sites I visit was making a joke about the dog food diet. I couldn't laugh. I was a little girl, on a very strict diet. I was hungry enough to eat dog food, and grateful the family dog was willing to share. It was a family joke, until a cousin expressed their horror at what I had been reduced to eating. So, do I have "issues" about food? When those pompous know-it-alls can go back and change how my life started; when they survive what I did; when they know what it is to have food within reach and not be able to touch it, then, and only then, they can discuss -- not decide -- discuss possible solutions for overcoming what being overweight really means.

Whew. After all that, there is the definite need for some fun: I loved Field of Dreams. I love football. This spoof was posted yesterday on Yahoo. And yes, I'm Team Jacob, so BONUS! :-)

Truth/Lies... and mental illness...

First and foremost, I am not an expert. I'm writing this from my perspective in what I've been observing of late. This ties in to my learning the truth and letting go of the lies, and learning for myself, as opposed to trusting the so-called experts. Some of them are experts, but there are an awful lot of people who tout themselves as experts. I'm learning to investigate who I'm trusting to give me information.

I watched a CSI, the other night, and one of the suspects was a schizophrenic. Using persons with mental health problems as a convenient criminal seems to be the new "in thing" in Hollywood. Has anyone else noticed that Hollywood goes through these phases? Their new pet project becomes all the rage, and all the shows have something relating to the pet cause. Mental health is apparently what is trending now. The problem with this is that Hollywood is telling a STORY. Telling a story for television or the movies means everything has to be cram-packed into 1-2 hours, so everything is exaggerated. It's fiction. So what if a few facts are allowed to fall to the wayside? It makes for a great story! The problem lies in an uninformed general public that goes merrily on its way spreading the lies... oh, sorry, the exaggerations, as facts. How do I know? I've done it! It's embarrassing to realize how much I allowed television to educate me. There are some great programs, but I've learned that they are supplemental, not a main diet. In books, if I find something that catches my interest, I don't simply take the author's word for it, I look it up. Case in point, I read Brown's Angels and Demons. I was fascinated, especially when he had his list of "facts." Facts was an incredibly loose term. Truth be told, by the time I finished doing my homework, I realized that the only real facts worth noting were some of the locations. I felt foolish for believing him, but it taught me a valuable lesson. Fiction is fun, as along as I acknowledge it for what it is: Fiction.

Hollywood spews out garbage as solid facts on a variety of issues. Ask anyone, in real life, who has to deal with the public regarding what real CSI is able to produce, and they'll tell you that the television shows are a nightmare. The general public, particularly in court cases, have expectations that are impossible to meet, because they're basing their perception on television shows that are fiction. When it comes to mental health issues even the psychiatrists and psychologists don't agree about many things that Hollywood seems to take great pleasure in portraying as cut and dried facts. Please don't think I'm picking on Hollywood and books. I love a good story, like anyone else, but I needed to learn the difference between truth and fiction and the difference between fiction and lies. Fiction has truth in it, which is why it resonates. Lies deceive, cover the truth, distort the truth. When I read fiction, I know it isn't a true story; hence, there is no deception there.

I read an article the other day that wondered if a particular tragic event could have been avoided if the perpetrator had been understood to have mute syndrome, in addition to being schizophrenic. I thought the writer of the article was irresponsible giving a postmortem diagnosis having never met the perpetrator and making only suppositions. The writer wondered if the event might not have happened if the person could have had a voice. Excuse me? The event would probably not have happened if the person had stayed on their medication for their schizophrenia!

When did speculation become solid scientific evidence?

Now, if the writer wanted attention drawn to their article, that certainly gave it a punch, but how honest was it to draw such a conclusion with essentially no evidence on the part of the writer? In fact, that titillating tidbit was so completely out of sync with everything else written, I found myself wondering if any of the article was valid. So, I did my own homework. Wikipedia is a fantastic place to START. What value DID I find in the article? I now have a better working knowledge of mute syndrome, from reading about it elsewhere.

Why do these television shows and books annoy me so much? My sister is a multiple (now fully integrated). She's bright, intelligent, funny, empathetic, and one of my heroes and dearest friends. Her life has been difficult enough without the idiocy of misinformation for entertainment purposes making it more difficult, because people don't do their homework to find out what is truth and what are lies. These irresponsible television programs and books and articles dole out bits and pieces of information without thinking about what the results will be from an arbitrary information dump that has no research to back it up. And all they had to do was spend five minutes on the internet to verify. (She said I could share her website here.)

What unsettles me even more is that I see more and more an unwillingness to recognize evil and call it was it is. Instead, mental illness is vilified or minimized. The mentally ill are treated like they are either to be feared or treated lightly. "They're a danger to themselves and others." Or "There, there, just say you're sorry, and everything will be all better." Or it's a joke. Try educating yourself on what it is and what it means and recognize that each case is different. If you have a cold, would you really expect to be treated like someone with pneumonia? Would you really want everyone treating you like you have TB, simply because you have a cough? Or how about everyone telling you that you don't really have a cold, while you continue to suffer from the effects?

On the other hand, it seems that there is a fear of calling anything evil. In an effort to not hurt feelings and not judge others and make everything feel good and right for everyone, far too many people are happy and willing to throw away the concept that evil exists, let alone that people choose it, WITHOUT being mentally ill. You only have to face evil once to know it is real, and no amount of denial or whatever you want to call it will ever change that fact. Mental illness and evil are not interchangeable and pretending like there is no evil by calling it something else does not make it go away. Using mental illness as the scapegoat is irresponsible.

I've heard the lament that there isn't enough time to learn everything there is to know about everything. This is true. That being said, do not use that excuse while you play video games, go to the latest movie, watch television, and "hang-out." If you don't know, do a little homework or say nothing at all. In my interpreting class, my teacher liked to share the old quote that a little knowledge is dangerous. As an interpreter, we had to be prepared to translate anything and everything or at least know of a way to work around it. Her mantra: "Let's get dangerous." So, I learned a little about a lot of things. The more I learned, the more I realized how much I didn't know. I'm ashamed to admit that I used to use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card; Saying "I don't know" was not an acceptable answer. I'd been taught that. So I'd toss out what I knew, and let the chips land where they may. It made me feel smart to have such diverse information. I finally realized that I knew enough to land me in trouble, but not enough to bail me out. Now, I try to keep my mouth shut if I don't know. If it matters to me, then I do my homework. And I have finally learned that saying, "I don't know" is a perfectly acceptable answer.

One more thought: Knowing evil exists isn't as frightening as some might think, because it also means that good exists. God is truth; the adversary is lies.

Writing my own Declaration...

Silly me. I thought it would be easy. A breeze! What could be so difficult? I copied and pasted the Declaration of Independence into a document and went to work. Oh, dear. This is going to take a lot longer than I originally thought. That being said, I also think it is going to be worth the effort. It was unsettling seeing many of the same offenses occurring now that our Founders were unhappy about then. But that isn't what I'm addressing in my own declaration.

The biggest trouble has been narrowing it down from a national scale to an individual scale. The Legislature doesn't translate well to me, the individual. I thought about doing a quick replace-a-few-words and done. However, the more I've worked on it, the more I truly wanted to explore the possibilities. At first, I started thinking in terms of Declaring Independence regarding healthy boundaries. Then I thought, "Why not go for healthy relationships?" Now, I'm realizing I really want to learn to be healthy, so how do I work this to fit my vision of what I want for myself and my future?

I think I've finished the first two paragraphs, and I think I'll share it bit by bit, and then finally as a whole. So, for today's effort:

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for a person to dissolve the past unhealthy bands which have connected them with continuing unhealthy behaviors and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of myself requires that I should declare the causes which impel me to the separation.

I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that I am endowed by my Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, healthy boundaries are instituted, deriving just powers from the consent of my healthy self, — That whenever any Form of boundary becomes destructive of these ends, it is my Right to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new boundaries, laying their foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to me shall seem most likely to effect my Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that boundaries long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce me under absolute Despotism, it is my right, it is my duty, to throw off such boundaries, and to provide new Guards for my future security. — Such has been my patient sufferance; and such is now the necessity which constrains me to alter the former System of Boundaries. The history of the present unhealthy behaviors is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over me. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

I may yet do a bit of re-writing with this, but I've started, and that's quite a lot to begin.

As I have reflected on the Founding Fathers, what they endeavored to accomplish and what they were called upon to give, I compare it to my own little world, and feel very petty and small for complaining about my lot in life. Many of them sacrificed everything to see this little country off to as healthy a start as they could muster under the circumstances. That is, they sacrificed everything but honor. Would I be so willing to give all? I haven't yet, but I'm endeavoring to learn how it's done. The great American experiment is simply this: Can man govern himself? I'm going to make my attempt.

The question begs to be asked: Did our Founding Fathers sacrifice their fortunes and their lives so that we could ban lightbulbs?

Happy 4th of July!

First three links are to the Archives:

Declaration of Independence

Constitution of the United States of America

Bill of Rights

Excellent short essay on the history of the fate of the Founding Fathers:

"The Americans Who Risked Everything" by Rush H. Limbaugh Jr.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty, and justice for all.

The Star-Spangled Banner by Francis Scott Key

O! say can you see by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
’Tis the star-spangled banner, O! long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion,
A home and a country, should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave,
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation.
Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust;”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #59

~Netanyahu answers questions on FB, and today one of the questions asked how he made his decisions, reaching where he is now. (I thought it interesting to learn that Netanyahu had lived in America during high school.) His answer: "Follow your heart. It knows better than anything else." Thinking of my own life, I didn't trust my heart for so long. Believing my heart knows best has been difficult to accept let alone believe. As I've swept away all the lies, I'm beginning to trust my heart and believe it's possible to follow it's promptings.

~Mellinger was drafted into the military during Vietnam. It wasn't what he would have chosen for himself, at first, but once there, he found his calling. How often do we turn away from opportunities, because it isn't what we want at the moment? Then we learn it's exactly what we need to bring out the best in us?

~I've been re-reading the Chatam House series by Arlene James. She writes contemporary inspirational romance. Here are a couple of quotes that touched my heart, from Baby Makes a Match: "God allows nothing into our lives without a reason." "Do you not realize that for God's children, there are no coincidences. Only plans."

~Lavender pancakes with buttermilk syrup are such a treat.

~Carl didn't do particularly well, this weekend, but at least he finished. Go Carl!!

Challenge for tomorrow: Write own Declaration of Independence...

My Heroes... Corrie Ten Boom

My counselor gave me homework, a few years ago: Read The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom, published in 1971. It was my first autobiography in years. Corrie Ten Boom lived in Holland, in 1937. She lived at home with her parents, was single, and about my age. As she described herself, I felt a kinship with her. She tells of the horrors brought about by the Nazis. Their Christian family hid Jews from the Nazis, and were caught. Corrie and her sister are sent to the same concentration camp. I often felt like Corrie's inner struggles were my own. I wanted to be more like her sweet-natured sister, but I was content to be more like Corrie. I was going to say the most memorable part of the story is... but there are so many bits and pieces that fill my mind. The part of the story I seem to quote the most is when they are in the concentration camp, and Corrie's sister says that they must thank God for everything. To which Corrie replies dismayed, "Even the fleas?" "Even the fleas." So they thanked God for the fleas. Corrie reveals that they learned later that their barrack was the only one with a Bible study group, let alone a Bible, because the guards refused to enter for inspections, due to the fleas. It's a reminder to me that those pesky, unpleasant moments are blessings in disguise. I'm grateful for such an incredible example of faith and courage.

God bless Greece...

Today, I was grateful to see that Greece has banned ships from leaving their ports to join the Gaza Flotilla.

For all those who want Israel to go back to the pre-1967 borders, do you truly know what that means? Have you listened to the threats? Or is your head buried in political correctness? The world is not a warm and fuzzy place where everyone wants to "get along." There truly are people out there ready and willing to kill themselves in an effort to kill as many others of those they hate at the same time, though I do notice that the leaders aren't willing to make that sacrifice. Why don't they lead by example?

There is hate that runs deeper than any feel-good guru can reach, and evil is real. Evil revels in blood and pain and death.

Now, if that's all too unpleasant, here's a different perspective: Why don't you go back to your pre-1967 wages. That means Congress will be making $33,000 per annum while the President made $100,000. The minimum wage was less than $2. I did notice something interesting: Compared to the 2009 dollar worth, in the late 60s that $2 was worth $10. Compare that to today: Minimum wage is $8.75 and only worth $5, as of 2010, and dropping. So maybe you would like to go back to the pre-1967 wages. Yeah, sure, good luck with that.

Will we gather evidence until it is too late...

I watch what is happening and think: Some of the names have changed, but history is repeating itself. Apparently, there are those who refuse to learn from it. I read of the Germans who did not know what was going on, but felt something was wrong and felt powerless to do anything. There were those who knew and hoped to reason with the people who did not hold the same values, failing to comprehend that you cannot reason with those whose morals are corrupt. And there were those who attempted to do something, but failed, dying in the attempt.

Where am I? I know something is terribly wrong, but feel powerless to do anything. My only hope is that God is in control, and I pray I have the courage to stand where He has asked me to stand.