September 11, 2011... 10 years later...

Never forgotten.

Almost 3,000 souls were lost : World Trade Center, First Responders, Four Commercial Flights, the Pentagon, and a field in Pennsylvania.

I woke up early that day, as I always did, so I could go out and take care of my horse before picking up my work. It had already started, and I didn't know. I groomed and grained my horse, like I did every single morning, for the previous four years. I was usually out there alone. Most of the other boarders came out in the evenings or on weekends. I enjoyed having the place to myself. It was my time to talk to God. How could I not be grateful when I was enjoying my horse's company and the quiet of the early morning?

One of the other boarders came out to work one of the horses early, and asked if I'd heard about the plane flying into the World Trade Center. I thought she was joking, in very poor taste. I didn't believe her. It was absurd. Ridiculous. Impossible. Then the owner of the property came out, and told us that the Pentagon had also been hit. I looked between them, and said, "You mean it's real?"

My regular, easy-going conversation with God changed to a pleading prayer, in my heart, and didn't stop.

After I finished taking care of my horse, I slid into my car, rolled down the window, and turned on the radio. They repeated over and over that planes had been flown into the WTC. As I drove to pick up my work, other cars passing me, both ways, had their windows rolled down, too, when usually they'd be rolled up because of using A/C. Their radios were on, too. My radio was in stereo, from the outside. We were all listening to exactly the same thing. Total strangers, all listening to the same thing.

I picked up my work, at two different places. Over and over, the radio talked about the planes, but they would not release the names of which airlines. By the time I was driving home, I was screaming at the radio for the names of the airlines.

One of my friends is a pilot. The last time we'd talked was the month before, and he'd told me his route was in the northeast. I was desperate to know which airline, and felt guilty for hoping my friend was safe.

As soon as I arrived home, I turned on the television. Still no specifics of any kind. I called my friend, expecting to reach his cell phone. He answered. I felt guilty for feeling relieved and grateful he was okay. His route had changed. (It was a while before the airlines involved were revealed.) He was safe. He had been grounded, but he couldn't complain about the lovely city he was in. I'm still glad he was safe. A part of me still feels a little guilty.

I heard firsthand about the plane that crashed into the open field. While the media debated the possible cause, I didn't need confirmation; I knew the passengers had done something. I knew the passengers had made a choice, and wondered if I would have had the courage they did.

We learned months later that my cousin was supposed to be at a meeting in the WTC that day. He didn't make it because he was taking his parents to the airport. So many lives were spared that day because of being late, taking a child to school, or some other small, seemingly inconsequential event.

So many lives were lost. They were on time, doing their jobs, being where they were supposed to be. Then the responders were there, doing their jobs. Many of them had been going off duty, but recognized an emergency and the need for additional help. They were being who they are.

Fathers, mothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews, wives, husbands, coworkers, friends.

I watched the news, every day, all day, for days. I wanted to donate blood, but discovered that the day before a new ruling had been passed, and I was no longer eligible, because I had lived in England for three months. It wasn't needed, anyway. I remember that first day thinking that the hospitals would be overwhelmed. Then they weren't. You either made it relatively unscathed, or you didn't. I didn't know any of those who died, but I had friends who mourned the loss of many friends.

Did it change me? Yes, it did.

Once the shock had worn off, I hadn't yet realized I'd changed. Then I saw Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings. 9/11 had stripped away the wall I'd built around my feelings. Suddenly, I felt everything. The flood of emotions was overwhelming, confusing, like going from a world of muted grays to one of vibrant flashing colors of every tint and hue.

I changed. I connected with people through the internet, where I found a whole host of friends who shared in my new discovery. And we've been sharing the journey ever since.

I hold this day as a day of remembrance. A day to mourn lives cruelly and needlessly lost, too many families with empty places at the table, the wonder of the courage of human beings, the miracles of those who lived, and the gratitude for the thousands of people who did good simply because it was the right thing to do.

I will never forget.

My Heroes... 1st Responders...

Tomorrow is the 10-year anniversary of 9/11. I sent Thank You notes to my local fire and police departments.

This is one of the tributes.

Man in the Red Bandana

Amazing Grace Lyrics

John Newton (1725-1807)
Stanza 6 anon.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

My Heroes... Remembering 9/11

As the anniversary approaches, my thoughts turn more and more to those who survived and those who died.

http://www.saintsandheroes.com/survivor1/

http://www.unitedheroes.com/

http://aclj.org/war-on-terror/jay-sekulow-presents-forever-changed-9-11-in-remembrance-full-film (1-1/4 hr) It was worth the time to watch, and it's only available through the weekend, online.

Week Eleven of REAL...

The 2nd: weigh in: 240.8 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. I also did laundry and defrosted the fridge. Laundry isn't really a big deal, but defrosting my little fridge is usually a workout, especially when I'm on a time limit.

The 3rd: weigh in: 240.4 lb. Two-mile walk. One SEAL puppy rep.

The 4th: weigh in: 239.8 lb.

The 5th: weigh in: 238.8 lb. Two SEAL puppy reps. I woke at 5:30 a.m., as I usually do, and gave myself a choice: Go for a walk or sleep. I chose sleep. Sleep is when your body does its healing. The shoulder is better, today.

The 6th: weigh in 238 lb. Three weeks since I messed up my shoulder, and the shoulder is doing considerably better. There's still a bit of stiffness and soreness, but no need for pain meds anymore. What a blessing. One SEAL puppy rep.

The 7th: weigh in: 239.8 lb. One-mile walk. I'm liking this: Walk like I'm healthy. Today, I added: Eat like I'm healthy. Two SEAL puppy reps. One physical therapy, without weights.

The 8th: weigh in: 240.4 lb. Waist circumference: 40". Wow... waist is down another 1/2". Cool. One SEAL puppy rep. Not feeling great, but to be expected. Better in a few days. Shoulder is much better, but I've had a headache for two days now. We are supposed to have storms on Friday, so that may explain it. Right now, my "Eat like you're healthy" is not faring well. I'll dive back in, in a few days.

Some things speak for themselves...

http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2011/09/wounded-in-iraq-a-marines-story/244592/

NASCAR....

NASCAR ~ Carl Edwards won the Nationwide race. YAY!! Sprint Cup was rained out on Sunday, and then ran today. It was fun to see J.J. Yeley in the lead for a few laps. Whoohoo! Trackpass broadcast the radio portion of the race. Thanks PRN. It was fun to hear them chatting with Carl in a brief interview, while they waited for rain/mist to clear, again. Then they called the race all the way to the exciting finish. Carl came in 5th, today, and 3rd in the Chase. Whoohoo! Go Carl! It's also fun to see his comments on FB. LOL!

Carpe diem... actually yes...

I slept in. I needed it. I know that sleep is healing, and my shoulder is feeling a bit better, even with the difficulty of having to sleep on that side. My sister stopped to visit, and that was delightful. I started a couple of new projects and worked on a few others in progress. I think I'm pretty much caught up online, for now. I've removed another author from my Must-Read list, and am enjoying one of my Must-Read authors, Marta Perry, who recently finished a series that I've started this weekend. I'm enjoying it.

Thank Goodness It's Sunday #68

~Friends with delightful points of view. Thank you!!

~God's gorgeous creations. :-)

~Chocolate.

~Laughter.

~Prayer.

My Heroes... Lucy Monroe

Lucy Monroe is one of my favorite romance writers. It isn't reading for everyone, but she taught me a lot about the kind of person I want to be, when I learn to be healthy. Respect and honor are part of the make up of her leading characters. Her heroes and heroines are smart and accept personal responsibility. The conflict in her stories make sense, and aren't petty. The misunderstandings are believable and typical of those who simply haven't learned to communicate with each other, as opposed to other writers I've read where the characters are as dumb as a box of rocks and enjoy the conflict of tearing each other apart. Why anyone thinks ugly bickering is romantic, I will never know. Not that Lucy's characters don't argue; they do, but it's about things that matter, as opposed to disagreeing for the sake of confrontation. Lucy puts a lot of herself into her books, and they've touched my heart, helping me understand myself better. She keeps up a blog on her website and posts on her FB fan page, interacting with those of us who love her books. She has inspired me, in a lot of ways. God bless her.

Laughter is good...

M&M Duels as found at Stumble Upon (Use the link or keep reading.)

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/6wv756/bl.net/forwards/mnms.html

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

Brought to you by http://BL.net/

And another fun kitty picture, because... a picture is worth 1,000 words...

Week Ten of REAL...

The 26th: weigh in: 240.6 lb. One easy SEAL puppy rep. No pain killers for over 24 hours. Yay! I'm a bit sore, but it's bearable.

The 27th: weigh in: 240 lb. Two-mile walk, with my sister. One SEAL puppy rep. Shoulder is doing a little better.

The 28th: weigh in: 241.2 lb. I was stressing over the reaction to my latest hero. I still don't like confrontation, and I don't like to hurt the feelings of others, and yet, I felt cowardly for not acknowledging someone who has made such a huge difference in my life, over the last year and a half. Neither did I want him to be a "test" or a "gotcha." I wouldn't want to be him, but I admire him and appreciate that he has helped me to become the person I want to be.

The 29th: weigh in: 242.4 lb. Sigh. I'm frustrated with myself. I hate seeing the weight creep back up. One-mile walk.

The 30th: weigh in 241.4 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. It's only been two weeks since I messed up my shoulder. Sleeping on it isn't helping, but there isn't another choice. *pfft*

The 31st: weigh in: 241.4 lb. One-mile walk. One SEAL puppy rep. Sigh. Finished a half bag of Dove chocolates. Why do people who harass me about my weight give me such "gifts?" I have enough trouble sabotaging myself... Ah, I learned it somewhere....

September ~ Another month

The 1st: weigh in: 241.8 lb. Waist circumference: 40.5". Two SEAL puppy reps. I didn't feel any pain doing them, but I notice the shoulder is still sore. It really is frustrating sleeping on the side that is sore, and not having any other choice.

I started REAL ten weeks ago. I started keeping track of my weight, here, six weeks ago. I'm around the same weight. I started keeping track of my waistline five weeks ago, and I'm down a half inch. Because of my shoulder, my exercise routine is lighter. Ten weeks and what do I have to show for it? Time to be brutally honest. Not much seems to have changed. And yet, I fix my hair, every day. My work routine is better, and I'm meeting my work goals, though I'm still not bringing in enough to pay for basics. When I do start earning a paycheck again, the money will be better spent. I've discovered that I don't need to have bags of chocolate on hand, as long as I have my hot cocoa. (It's a food hoarding thing.) I like my bread, and I like making it. I'm eating more veggies. I'm learning to use what's in my food storage, rather than letting it slip past the expiration date. I go for walks three mornings a week. I do my SEAL reps six days a week. I'm learning to create Sunday as a proper day of rest, especially since I'm learning to work six days a week. Wow... I'm doing a lot I wasn't doing ten weeks ago. Upward and onward.