Carpe diem... it's Monday, so how did I seize the day?

Over at Lucy Monroe's blog, she asked about infidelity in romance novels and whether or not it was okay for a hero or heroine. I thought long and hard, for a good portion of the day, before I finally answered. It was long. Really long. I trimmed it. It was still long. I trimmed some more. And I trimmed more. I posted the trimmed version (it was still long) and decided to expand it here. (Thinking about my circle of friends, her books aren't for everyone, but she connects with me.)

With Tiger Woods so predominantly in the news, he was mentioned, and I realized I have been thinking about this. However, my perspective of Tiger Woods was a bit different. My folks kept saying that he should be left alone. It was private. And I disagreed. Why? Because this was about public image, the image he sold of being clean cut and straight arrow. He knowingly signed contracts with the understanding that it was about the image of his character. In NASCAR, part of a driver's contract includes a good conduct clause, and they will be penalized for violating that clause. There is no "I didn't know." They know. They have to decide what matters most. Tiger betrayed his wife, himself, the companies who hired him, and his fans. Ugly. Survivable? Yes.

Personally, I had a boyfriend who cheated on me. I suspected, but there was no proof. Why did I break up with him? He lied about how a movie would end. He didn't want to "ruin" the end, while I wanted to be prepared. I assured him that it wouldn't ruin the end for me. It would ruin the end if it didn't turn out the way I wanted. But it was more important to him to see how I reacted to the REAL ending. I sobbed and was so angry. I had an inkling, but I trusted that he'd told me the truth. He defended himself that he was technically right. If he lied about something so trivial, what else did he lie about? It took a few more months to screw my courage to the sticking place, but this was the beginning of the end. Trust was lost. Over a stupid movie. In truth, the movie simply exposed deeper problems.

Then there are the health issues involved. The diseases alone are terrifying. How could someone, who says they love you, willingly put your life at risk? Using protection is not a guarantee. My counselor likes to demonstrate the problem by sliding a pin into a "balloon" without popping it. If a pin is able to slip through, what else is able to slip through? Sadly, frequently no protection is used. It makes me wonder if there is an underlying death wish. No one, in this day and age, can say they didn't know the risks. They can say they didn't think it would happen to them, but that is willful denial. I've done that often enough myself in other circumstances to know it's no excuse.

And the lying. Perhaps part of the reason this hit me so squarely is my desire to be honest with myself. Anyone who cheats must lie, and lie often. To lie, one must sacrifice integrity and respect, for oneself and for all those with whom one interacts because the lie touches everyone, in one way or another, either by being deceived or by having to keep the secret. What a horrendous burden.

Is it possible to move on? Yes, but how painful and difficult, and so totally unnecessary. It isn't romantic; it's tragic. The dreams that are shattered; the hearts that are broken; the trust that is shredded; the lives that change, forever, and too often not for the better. The ripples are immeasurable. I've seen couples who have overcome the devastation, but other family members, sometimes the children, didn't always survive it as well.

Someone once told me that it was exciting. Yes, so is jumping from an airplane without a parachute, but the thrill is brief, and the end is not only messy but deadly.

Do I believe that there is no hope? Absolutely not. I believe in the Atonement with all my heart. It is a wondrous gift. But why not use it before traveling so far down that unhappy path? Blessedly, God doesn't believe in an expiration date. But neither does He spare us from the consequences of our choices. He will cry with us and suffer with us, and in the end bridge that chasm between us and heaven. Today, I choose to live a more Christ-centered life. He wants me to be happy, and He's shown the way, if I'll only reach out and take His hand. If I'm too weary, He'll even carry me. No burden is too heavy for Him. He will bend down, and lift me from the mud and muck. He doesn't care. He loves me. He loves each of us, but He will never force us. We each may choose to look to Him or look away. Carpe diem: I choose to look to Him.