...you don't want to do something?
I've mentioned, several times, that I have been struggling with the fact that my high school reunion is fast approaching. I don't remember much from high school. What I do remember, I wish I didn't. I already have a foretaste of the conversations that will occur. "How's name-of-old-boyfriend?" That's how I was known: That guy's girlfriend. I was also in choir and on the staff of the school's literary "magazine." But mostly I was so-and-so's girlfriend. He was popular and a big fish in a little pond. I was a hanger-on. It wasn't a healthy relationship. A few years ago, an old high school friend attempted to touch base with me. I have absolutely no memories of this person outside of a single "mental snapshot" of them smiling. Nothing else. Really. I looked at the list of those attending, and recognized only a half dozen names, and that's all it was, a recognition of the names. No memories are attached to those names. None. I remember singing in a few choir concerts, snippets, never whole concerts. I remember one of my partners in the swing choir; we had great chemistry on stage. We would joke about being lovers on stage and strangers off. It was so good... oh my gosh... my boyfriend joined the choir after that... I was so disappointed, because I lost my other partner. I've waffled and hemmed and hawed and debated with myself and others. There are those who tell me, "Don't go!!" and others who tell me, "You'll regret it if you don't. It's a great opportunity to connect with the past." Ummm... it's the past I'm trying to let go. This argument with myself has been going on for quite a while.
The other day, my t-shirt and entry info arrived for the Race for the Cure. I go with my sister every year. I'm looking forward to it. Then I realized: It's the same day as the reunion picnic! I can't go!!! Happy dance! Happy Snoopy dance!! Happy Hobbit dance! Happy dance! I think that answers my question, and ends the debate. :-)
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It's awesome to have an excuse to not go to something you don't want to go to. Even when you know for certain you don't want to do something and have good reasons for it, the fact that others think you should do it always messes with the plan and makes you feel guilty. So it is truly wonderful to have that burden of refusing lifted from you (even though it's in your best interests to refuse in the first place), because God has provided a better way!
ReplyDeleteAre there any other reunion events, or just the picnic? In any case, have a great time NOT GOING to the reunion! ;-) I support you in not going. Your other plan for the day is definitely much more worthwhile and fulfilling for you.
Yes, there are several other events, but they all cost money, and at this point I simply cannot afford it. That didn't require any debate at all. Thanks ((Margaret))
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard question for me to answer objectively because I personally hate school reunions and have absolutely no plans for attending any of them. I didn't like the majority of people I went to school with and I have doubts that most of them are much different than the people I knew then. Most people don't ever realize their dysfunctions or do anything to change them, so in that way they stay the same. I don't want to see a bunch of superficial people, and anyone I've wanted to stay in contact with over the years, I have. The rest I let go of because our lives went in separate directions, or because we weren't important enough to each other to hold on.
ReplyDeleteI just realized...you weren't asking for advice on whether or not you should go, you were asking how your readers know when they don't want to do something. I suppose I've answered the question then, at least in terms of "How do I know I don't want to go to my lame highschool/college reunions."
I like this question! It's thought-provoking.
((Jonsi)) I've thought a lot of the same things you have. Reading through your comment it occurs to me to wonder if I'd really want to associate with people who would want to associate with the old me, the unhealthy me.
ReplyDeleteYou also brought up a perspective I hadn't considered. Really, how do you know? In this particular instance it was the cheering and dancing when I realized I couldn't that made me realize that I really didn't want to do it. But what about other instances, how do you know?
Growing up as some of us did, we were taught to ignore what we wanted and do what was expected by those who held the power. It never occurred to me, until reading your comment, how truly difficult it is to recognize what I REALLY want when others I like and respect have their own expectations...
I think as ACoNs, we tend to react slowly to things, even when we have a gut reaction. It's like we're so careful about not disappointing people or being considered "selfish" for doing something for ourselves (because we're taught not to do so), etc. The fact that you hemmed and hawed seems like indication that you didn't want to go in the first place. And the fact that you have an excuse seconds that opinion.
ReplyDeleteIt's OK not to want to go. And it's OK not to have a reason not to go. I am slowly learning to just say, "No, I'm not going to do (blah blah)" and *not* give an excuse. Because why do I need to explain myself anymore to people? I've done that for flipping years.
And heck yeah to what Jonsi said.
I've avoided the high school reunions, even though they're down the block from me. That Kiki wasn't a healthy Kiki, and I don't want to dive back into the shadows.
Yes, Kiki! That's it exactly! I feel selfish for not wanting to go! I also feel cowardly. What am I afraid of? Which isn't even real questions, because it doesn't have to do with fear, beyond my usual sociophobia. LOL! I've attended conferences in Florida and Kentucky, and yes, I was nervous, but I wanted to go, so I accepted I was taken the fear along, and went anyway. Thank you for pointing out part of the trouble; the event I'm not attending is right around the corner from my house, and people have said that it would be so easy for me to attend.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support! ((Kiki))
Woohoo. Thank you for coming with me. My T-shirt still hasn't arrived. I wondered if I checked the right little box to get it sent?
ReplyDeleteYou're also special. I'm just a participant, while you're a survivor. That might be the difference. I hope it arrives soon. I'm looking forward to it!
ReplyDeleteI say GO!! Although, I would probably not want to go to mine....:>) PS Keep up the great work with your exercise/diet challenge!! You inspire me! Much love ~ alice
ReplyDeleteLOL! ((Alice)) I actually can't afford to go to the events, money being as tight as it is, and the only event I could have attended, the bring-your-own-food picnic on Sunday, starts as the Race for the Cure is finishing. By the time I return home and get ready, the picnic will be over. Sometimes, our choices make our decisions for us. I'm content with the decision that's being made.
ReplyDelete