Follow up on anger...

Several of my blogging friends have addressed anger this week. It was exactly what I needed.

I decided to step back and investigate more thoroughly my own anger triggered this week.

I know it wasn't the subject matter, as demonstrated when one of my friends said they disagreed with me. So if disagreeing with me isn't why I was angry then what was it?

It was buried in the "hot topic."

When others try to emotionally blackmail me -- manipulate me emotionally -- my anger explodes. It's been used against me all my life, and I am so done.

My sister has described anger as an early warning system. It tells you a boundary has been violated.

So what boundaries were violated?

My no-go into narcissistic game playing.

~A compliment negated by evidence.

You are beautiful but studies have shown that smart men don't marry women with a face as scarred as yours is or who weigh as much as you do.

~Blaming one group for another group's problems.

Clean your plate. Children in China are starving.

~A generalization used to prove a specific point.

Some people make bread whether or not they have a bread machine, but those who might have considered it an option have less reason to do so if they're told using a machine is the only smart way to make bread.

~Comparing apples and oranges.

The recipe doesn't have to change (even though you're trading out different ingredients), just like a business changing it's accounting method doesn't compromise them.

~Sharing emotions to influence others using hidden information.

I'm angry about how society deems single people outcasts, as less than those who are in relationships, especially because of the problems of my past have made a healthy relationship next to impossible.

Yes. I realized I'd pulled some emotional blackmail myself. I'm not proud of it. I'm working on being better about it. I don't like it in myself; I'm not going to take it from anyone else.

Studying the whole thing with a more objective perspective hasn't changed my original observation that it was written with the intent to manipulate my opinion with emotional blackmail. The whole thing is loaded with emotionally charged terms and evidence used to manipulate my feelings and beliefs.

What's the most important thing I learned?

I am allowed to have my opinion. I do not have to play "nice" and bend to make everyone else feel better. I can be angry. I know how to express that anger with passion and without swearing or name-calling. I recognize manipulation and emotional blackmailing, and I do not have to accept it. I've worried about falling into old traps. Not so much now. This doesn't mean I'm safe. It does mean I'm learning. Good to know.