Why can't I ignore it....

"Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"By their fruits ye shall know them."

On a previous post, it was suggested that I simply ignore what it going on in the world around me that I have no control over. It led me to asking myself, "why don't I ignore it?" I certainly did most of my life. And look where that landed me.

Okay, that was snarky.

So, why don't I ignore what's going on in the world around me? Especially when I have no power or influence regarding it.

Even if there is nothing within my capabilities to change or influence what is happening, this is an opportunity for me to do a gut check. WHAT do I believe? HOW do I feel about it?

In fact, this is a great time for me to explore negative feelings, because I'm not personally invested in it, except how it applies to me.

More than that, it's become an opportunity for me to take responsibility for the information I glean. There was a time when I allowed others to feed me all the information I took in. Their opinions. Their ideas. Their values. Their beliefs. They were people I trusted. What I didn't acknowledge was that I was handing over my rights to be a human being to someone else. I was allowing someone else to live my life for me, by allowing them to all but make my decisions for me. Making my decisions based on their information was not independent thinking or trusting God.

Then I started the truth campaign. It is a difficult, frustrating, terrifying road to choose. I came to realize that some of those trusted sources of information weren't trustworthy. I discovered that most of those sources of information held opinions, beliefs, and values that may have seemed like my own on the surface, but when I looked deeper were nothing at all like what I wanted to believe.

Choosing to search for the truth isn't an easy decision to follow. It requires an incredible amount of work. If I hear something from one source, I find myself searching for other sources. Is it true? Does it matter? I'm learning to turn those questions around. Does it matter? Is it true? If it matters, then I better make sure it's true. If it doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter if it's true or not. But I like to know, because it's astonishing how interrelated our world is.

And "I feel good about it" is not an acceptable answer on its own. I have to have done my homework, in every possible way, and truly studied out to the last possible piece of information available to me, before I'm allowed to claim I feel good about it. Granted, there is so much information available that one could become lost in it. Striking a balance between studying and procrastinating through study isn't easy. But too often I allowed myself to be easily swayed by what I thought I wanted to hear. That was the root of more problems than I care to recollect. I wanted the answer to be easy. Pray about it, and God will tell me. Wait. What? Where did I learn that?

James 1:5 "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to al men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."

And here in lies the problem with picking and choosing. Whenever anything is done piecemeal, without tying it into a whole, you end up with slipshod work.

Ephesians 6:13: "Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand the evil day, and having done all, to stand."

Whoa! I know what's involved with putting on armor. It isn't a snap decision. It isn't a "I feel good about it" activity. One does not do it alone. It is not easy. And it cannot be rushed. And you had better have done the work required beforehand to accept what wearing that armor means. And I don't mean the end part, being in battle. Armor is heavy! You have to have the muscle strength and stamina to wear it.

When I ask myself questions I'm asking if I'm prepared. Where do I stand? What do I believe? Me. Not what was I told to believe. Not where was I told to stand. What is my decision? What is my choice? Because it is those decisions and choices that make me who I am.

For so many years I felt very one dimensional, a chameleon. I existed for whatever purpose I was told I existed for; never for myself. Then it stopped working for me. I started making some defining decisions. I no longer fit in the mold. And I was utterly lost. What saved me from the abyss? My knowledge that Jesus Christ is my Savior.

Am I suggesting that everything in my life is life or death? Pertinent to my Eternal Salvation? No. I do believe that my core beliefs are essential to my Eternal Salvation, and asking myself questions allows me to explore those core beliefs.

In the past, I've been trapped, repeatedly, by questions that seemed wholly unrelated to my beliefs, until the clever questioner snapped the trap shut and accused me of being a hypocrite. And to my horror, I would realize they were right, because I hadn't done my homework to find out what the questions really meant.

So, I step back, and question, and question, and question. I look around me today and see so many similarities to what was happening in Germany before the Holocaust. I don't believe saying, "I didn't know" - when all the evidence was there - is an acceptable answer. Closing my eyes and la-la-la-ing is not an acceptable answer. I pray things do not reach that impasse, but I cannot guarantee it will not. It wouldn't be the first time. I will not pretend such reprehensible behavior is a thing of the past. Evil exists. The only thing that keeps it at bay is people choosing and doing good.

"When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle." ~Edmund Burke

I will not be a pawn because I was ignorant. I spent my whole life being used as a pawn, being used against one person and another, as others played their elaborate games. I will not be a pawn again. I will not plead ignorance. If I don't know, and it matters, I will do the work necessary to find the truth. Sticking my head in the sand is no longer an option. Allowing others to force feed me is not an option.

So, no; I won't ignore it, I may not be called upon to give an accounting of my beliefs, yet, but the time will come. I want to be able to answer boldly and with confidence what I believe and think and feel, not depending on anyone to prompt me or guide me, but God. The only way I will be able to fulfill that desire is to ask the hard questions now, study now, decide now.

God gave me a brain and a heart, not to be idle but to use. I will be held accountable, sooner or later, for my thoughts and actions. And I won't be able to lie. God, and only God, is able to look into my soul and see the truth there. Oddly enough, I find comfort in that assurance.