Week Thirty-Three of REAL...

The 3rd: weigh in: 233.6 lb. Not bad considering what I ate last night. I'll do better, today.

The 4th: weigh in: 235.2 lb. No surprise there. Yesterday wasn't great either. I was stressing. Today, my sister and I attended the Chocolate Affaire. I enjoyed Deena Remiel's workshop, and meeting Jimmy Thomas. The man is truly gorgeous, from the inside out. We stood and walked around for over four hours. I don't think it actually qualifies for the walking I'm endeavoring to achieve, but the stress of being in a crowd had my heart rate through the roof, so I'm counting it. So there. Did I say that out loud?

The 5th: weigh in: 234.2 lb. Took myself for a one-mile walk, this morning. I miss being outside first thing in the morning. For five years, every morning, I went out and cared for my horse. I miss my horse, but I'm realizing I also miss that time I spent in talking with God. It's hard to put on airs when you're shoveling horse manure.

The 6th: weigh in: 234.6 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. In keeping with my plan to increase by 10%, my rep has been increased from 10 to 11. Hey! It's a start! Two-mile walk. Another SEAL puppy rep. I don't think I mentioned anywhere about being worried Jimmy was eating. He's a romance cover novel and a fitness model. I don't think I mentioned the last. Yes, he understands health, and taking care of himself. I caught myself wanting to mother him, and wanted to slap a hand over my mouth. I don't really want to mother him. I look at myself, and then I look at him, and I need to stop talking and listen to what he's telling me about taking care of myself. Yes, he's one of my health mentors, though he doesn't know it. Physical therapy, with weights, and up from 30 to 33 reps. I'm attending Desert Dreamin' in June. I'm setting myself a challenge, with the help of my friend Shannon, to lose 20 pounds between now and then. I'm going to start the count at 235. Go. Go! GO! Whatever.

The 7th: weigh in 234.2 lb. Following Shannon's advice, I dressed nice, did my hair in a more updated style, and spritzed on a little perfume. Wow.

The 8th: weigh in: 232.4 lb. SEAL puppy rep, to 11. Two-mile walk. Another SEAL puppy rep, to 11. Physical therapy with 1-lb weights to 33. I didn't sleep well, last night. I felt like I had ants under my skin. I finally drifted off around three in the morning. I still woke up and went for my walk. While I walked I was able to connect the feeling to the cause: adrenalin rush. Telling the parents I'm a writer was not easy. It turned out about as I expected, though not quite as I expected. I should have taken myself for a walk, but it was already eight o'clock at night. I could have done physical therapy, and it would have helped. I really need to learn to remember to use exercise more to my advantage. It's an old habit to try to be still. Sort of an, if I hold very still then no one will see me or notice me and maybe I'll be safe.

The 9th: weigh in: 233.6 lb. Waist circumference: 39.5". So, I've ended up where I started this week. Bah! Dressed nice for the day. A bit of perfume. Worth. I remember when my friend Jan gave it to me, to remind me I was of worth. I cried. It still warms my heart. I keep the bottle on my bookshelf beside my computer, where I see it every day.