My new weight loss plan: REAL

Reduce stress
Exercise
Adequate sleep
Lower caloric intake

Last year, I hit an all time high in my weight, over 250 lb. I felt lousy. I was also REALLY STRESSED. I already knew it was easy for me to lose weight when I felt safe. Example: A number of years ago, there were events in my life that led me to believe my life would be changing drastically, imminently. I successfully lost 30 lb in 3 months, with no trouble. The plans fell through, and I gradually gained the weight back and then some. Then life happened, and I gained more weight. I know how discouraging it is to be aware of everything that goes in your mouth and to bike over 90 miles a week, and gain weight. I was stressing/fretting/afraid/worried, whatever you want to call it. I felt like my world was completely out of control, and no matter how hard I tried to create some kind of order out of the chaos, it wasn't happening. In other posts, I've mentioned that I eat to feed my feelings and shut up my thoughts. It was July 2010 that I hit my high weight (well over 250 lb), the same time I'd started my Quest for an understanding of honor. The last time I'd hit 250 was back in February 2010, 6 months before, right after which I started my STOP LYING campaign.

Now, it's June 2011. I'm now down to 240 lb. I'm tired of feeling crumby. I'm tired of not being able to wear the clothes I really like to wear. Jeans are not comfortable at this weight, at least not for me. I love flowy-type skirts and dresses. For the record, when I lost that 30 lb, I was at the low end of what was healthy for me. I looked great, but I felt... not great. It was about 20 years ago, and I was still swamped by lies. Now, I'm older, wiser, and endeavoring to embrace the truth, no matter how difficult it is. One of the ugly truths is that I know if I lose the weight, I won't feel pretty. This is going to be a tough one to beat. I was repeatedly told that if I "just lost weight, [I] would be so pretty." Losing the weight will not make the acne scars go away. Losing the weight will not change the way I'm built.

So, it's time for a change of perspective. Losing weight will help me feel better. Why? I'll be able to move more easily. It will help my messed up back feel better to not be carrying the extra weight around. I have an entire wardrobe of beautiful clothes that's waiting for me. In fact, I have lovely clothes that I'll be able to wear as I move down through the sizes. Now that I'm feeling better about myself, from the inside out, I'm better at choosing clothes that are flattering on me and that I like. I'm not trying to please someone else's fashion taste. I'm confident in myself to claim my own sense of fashion, and actually it's quite good. It helps that my very fashion-savvy niece has given me hints.

It's time to be REAL.

Reducing stress is a huge aspect of my weight loss program, and I know it. This is going to be the toughest part of the whole miserable thing. I'm under employed, living on savings, coping with a passel of health issues, and struggling to learn, create, and maintain healthy boundaries. That being said, the health issues aren't as bad as they used to be. It wasn't that long ago that I couldn't even bend over to pick something up off the ground. I can do that now. Progress. I'm better at the boundary thing. I have enough savings for a little while. And the work thing is... well, not quite what I expected. Today, on my way to drop off and pick up work, I promised God that I would work on The Project, as soon as my work was done. Sounded reasonable to me. There was no work for me. Heart stop. No work; no money. I promised. I came home and worked on The Project. I completed half of what was waiting for me. I'll complete the other half tomorrow. Then I'll go over it myself again, before sending it on to someone else who has offered to help with it. The worry type of stress evaporates, and the excitement about what I'm doing is energizing. Cortisol, the stuff produced when you're under the unpleasant kind of stress is a weight builder. You can eat all the right foods and do all the best exercises, and you will still gain weight if your body is pumping out the cortisol. Cortisol is telling your body to prepare for an emergency. Unfortunately, those little cells have no brain of their own, so an emergency to them means conserving everything, especially fat. Let's face it, starving would be even more stressful, so the body is considerately eliminating one possible threat.

Exercise. Ugh. The only time I willingly exercised was when I took care of my horse, every single day, without fail, even when I messed up my back. Fortunately, a nephew and a niece helped me at the worst of times, but I was still up and out there. I also walked my dog every day. In each case, I didn't do it for me; I did it for my furry children. As a child, I spent almost every day, all day, outside playing, mostly running around. In high school, I loved going dancing. Then I tore all the ligaments in my ankle. My doctor regretfully promised that I would have trouble with it, the rest of my life. I'd never be able to wear high heels again. I'd never be able to go dancing again. And I'd have problems with my back somewhere down the road. Yippee Skippy. Talking to a BFF, she admitted she has to force herself to exercise. I finally admitted that I'm going to have to do the same thing. I have started walking more and using my little weights and allowing myself to be a teetering snipe. It's a start.

Adequate sleep. Hornet's nest if ever there was one. Sleep deprivation keeps the nightmares away. However, I do know that my weight drops when I'm sleeping more than when I'm sleeping less. I'm working at striking a balance where I'm sleeping enough, but not so much that the nightmares return. Actually, the last few times I've remembered my dreams, they've been blessedly innocuous. This one is going to be a balancing act.

Lower caloric intake. No matter how you look at it, eating fewer calories reduces weight. I do have to be careful to not drop my intake so severely that my body goes into starvation mode and hoards the fat. This also ties into the other part of REAL. If I'm stressed, I eat more. Exercise helps with the burning of fat. And again, if I'm not sleeping enough, then I'm eating to stay awake. Another balancing act.

Hmmm... maybe I need to change my perspective. This is all beginning to sound like a circus. I always wanted to join the circus. I wanted to work with the horses and the dogs. And on occasion, with the lions and tigers, and maybe a bear. Okay, I wanted to work with the animals. Then again, maybe I'm making this all too complicated. That wouldn't surprise me in the least. Making things complicated helped make the insanity more bearable, because it almost made sense.

REAL. After reviewing that last paragraph, it's definitely time to be REAL. :-)