I love pizza. I'm single. I'm poor. It isn't easy to find a single-size pizza at a reasonable price. Then there's my other dilemma. I like ham and mushrooms. Trust me, stores do not carry pre-made ham and mushroom pizzas. It is never on the special menu at the local pizza places. What to do? I make my own. Recipes are all for regular size pizzas. What to do? Thank you Rhodes frozen thaw and cook rolls. I use a bit of olive oil on a stoneware pan the right size for the toaster oven. I use a bit of plastic wrap to spread the oil around. I place two rolls on the pan, cover with the plastic wrap and a towel, and allow to rise the suggested five hours. Heat the toaster oven to suggested temperature, while I flatten out the rolls into one single pizza. It doesn't quite make it to the edges. I'm fine with that. Bake in the oven, about 15-20 minutes (until light brown). Remove from oven and cover with a couple of tablespoons of sauce (I use spaghetti sauce; it's easy), a bit of shredded mozzarella cheese, shredded sliced ham, and mushrooms. Back into the oven for another 15 minutes or so, until crust edges are brown, allow to cool a little (hate cheese burn), and enjoy.
What would I do without amazing friends? Today, I struggled to do my work. I stumbled over words. I'd finally figured them all out but one, a supplement. It was in the second to last sentence of the final dictation. The office was closed, so I couldn't call and ask. What do you do? You ask one of your best friends, who happens to be a librarian. Success!! BFF found the word, and to my chagrin, it was in my dictionary, but I was too far off for the computer to figure it out. Stupid computer. God bless wonderful friends that save your hide! Or should I say pride? :-D
I'm trying to make a more concerted effort to lose weight. I haven't done well this past week. Not well, at all. In fact, I've done very badly. I gained over five pounds in a matter of days. Yeah, I'm stressin'. Today, I made an interesting discovery. For months, I was able to keep my cookie consumption to one a day. Not lately. What was the difference? First, I decided that today I needed to make a new commitment to myself to take better care of myself. How was I going to fight the craving for more than one cookie? I collect place settings. Really. I have a lot of food "issues." One of my ways of making it more fun and less frenetic was to buy different place settings. It takes the focus off the food, at least it does for me. This past week, I've been better about using different place settings, including the cups. Yes, I know it sounds silly, but I've grown up in an incredibly scary world, and anything that brought a smile was of value. So, I have these cute little blue glasses; they don't even measure a full cup. I'd been using it for my milk and single cookie, until recently. The cups I've been using recently held up to two cups. Even if I tried to pour less milk, the visual was planted. So, today, it was back to the pretty blue glass, and one cookie. You have to start somewhere, and this is where I'm starting. Go me.
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I feel sad that you have such a struggle with food. DH does too, and it's a direct result of the way he was raised. Food was the only way he got love from his NM.
ReplyDeleteThat translates to food issues now: If he makes me something and I say, "Oh no thank you, I don't want that sandwich right now" he takes it to mean I am rejecting his love.
Once, when we had a tiff, he made me a sandwich afterwards, and when I liked the sandwich, he took it to mean everything was better.
He hoards food because he fears running out of it.
He overeats. He eats when he is emotional.
Then there is the immediate gratification part of eating that he gets sucked into as well.
I've taken to making light of the situation, while reassuring him that I still love him. I will say things like, "No thank you, DH, I'm not in the mood for a sandwich right now, but that doesn't mean I'm rejecting your love." I just come right out and say it.
It makes me sad to think that you struggle so much with food, that you have to go to these lengths to solve the problem. It is quite creative of you, though, I must say. My mother and father do something similar - my mom would offer my dad dessert, but she would put it in a tiny bowl so that he wouldn't overeat. He has learned to eat really slowly and enjoy each bite because he knows he won't be eating the amounts he used to.
(My dad also comes from a very dysfunctional background and has issues with food.)
Love to you Judy! I'm glad you're finding your way through this difficult obstacle. I'm rooting for you!
((Jonsi)) I recognize so many of those struggles! Food wasn't only used in place of "I love you;" it was also a punishment and a control tool.
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling like I could only invite anyone over if I had food to offer. Why else would they come? I know better now. When I was blessed with my new circle of friends I learned that it was more important to be available and engaged than anything else.
Food wasn't fun growing up. I'd been fed food that made me sick, deliberately. I'd been forced to go hungry. The whole thing was simply insane. Going to parties or out to eat was a nightmare because I tended to gobble everything in sight. I didn't know when I'd be allowed to eat when and what I wanted again. I've managed to relax in public, but private eating is still a constant battle not to gobble.
I've been thinking about doing a blog or a particular day on food issues, but haven't worked up the courage yet to tackle that particular dragon.
It is definitely a scary dragon to face. I grew up watching my dad struggle with it and I think it's something he'll be dealing with his whole life.
ReplyDeleteIt's so unfair, it really is, that you didn't have healthy parents who could give you the tools necessary to "make it" in life, and you've had to devise your own way. It would be so much easier if they hadn't given you this struggle.
But, unfortunately, that's just the way it is sometimes. And you just have to find the support you need, and surround yourself with healthy and loving people, and figure out how to unlearn all those unhealthy behaviors. It's a real testament to your character that you are able to overcome such adversity. I am genuinely sorry to hear that your relationship with food was not healthy from the start. That wasn't fair to you at all, Judy.
Life is definitely not fair, but I'm okay with that. I'm even learning to be okay with how I grew up, only because I wouldn't be the person I am if I hadn't been through the nightmares. I like who I am now. I think the real difference, the difference that matters, is whether or not we choose to stay the same or choose to change.
ReplyDeleteYears ago, I read an article that talked about those who were born into dysfunctional families, who choose to change. The writer called those individuals Chain Breakers (breaking the chain of abuse). That's a label I can live with. :-)