All I ever wanted was to marry and have children, a family of my own. It didn't happen. I was unhappy for a long time, until I was willing to let go of that dream and choose another, a dream that depended on me. This past year, I was finally able to realize that what I REALLY wanted, all along, was to be a blessing to others and to myself. It changed my world. I'm single, poor as a church mouse, screwed up in a lot of ways, but never happier, because every day, sometimes with a lot of effort, I am a blessing. Every day, I'm exactly what I want to be, if only for a moment.
From FaceBook came my new mantra: Follow your heart, but bring your brain along.
I find myself in a difficult position. Finances are tight. I've been told about job opportunities in my old career. It would mean I'd have an income immediately, but it also means I wouldn't spend as much time on my current career. I worry about money, especially with what I have dwindling. It's a practical concern. I think of the story about the drowning victim complaining God didn't save him, and God replying, "I sent you a log, a boat, and a helicopter. What more did you want?" Am I drowning and ignoring the log, the boat, and the helicopter? Or am I being asked, "Are you going to give up what you want most for what you can have right now?"
Why didn't I see this before? Maybe I should ask, "Why didn't I believe this before?"
Right now, it is not a good time for me to take on something new. I'm feeling swamped as it is. Why don't I trust that when I'm ready God will provide what I need?
My decision made, my desire to binge has stopped.
I feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Oh.
Matthew 11:28-30
"Come unto me, ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
"For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
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How lovely to read along as you talked yourself through your predicament and came through on the other side confident again!
ReplyDeleteTo take work now because you would have immediate financial help would be to fall back into old habitual ways of thinking, which are also not trusting ways. I believe you are right on track with continuing to spend your time doing what you love and what has been confirmed as your calling already. I think the fact that your burden is lifted over this is even more confirmation!
The Matthew passage is awesome, isn't it?
(((Margaret))) You are such a good example to me. Thank you!!
ReplyDeleteAmen.
ReplyDeleteA great view into your walk. I need to see others making decisions and living by them. It is great that your burden was lifted after your decision. Confirmation.
ReplyDeleteBattling on. :-)
ReplyDelete