Week Thirty-One of REAL...

The 20th: weigh in: 235.6 lb. Knowing what I ate, yesterday, I'm not surprised. I stressed. Really stressed. Even though I'm still stressing, today will be better. I'm killing myself, and it has to stop.

The 21st: weigh in: 235.6 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Three-mile walk, total 60 minutes. One more SEAL puppy rep.

The 22nd: weigh in: 235.4 lb. Once I reach 230 lb, I will clean out my closet of all my fattest clothes.

The 23rd: weigh in: 236 lb. One SEAL puppy rep. Half-mile walk, 15 minutes, total 75 minutes. I'll be lucky if I hit 150 minutest, this week. Really. There are days, and there are days, and this past week has been one of them. Not beating myself up. One more SEAL puppy rep. Physical therapy, with weights.

The 24th: weigh in 235.4 lb. Sorting through papers, I found one on which I'd written: Today starts a new REAL, based on building my self-esteem, to see how that affects my weight. My weight was 239.2 lb, on July 17, 2011. Really, I'm not doing too badly. I haven't seen 239 in quite a while. This is good. I am making progress. Not fast progress, but progress none the less. On the same sheet of paper, I wrote: I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm afraid of being wrong. Yep. I'm still afraid of that. I'm eating, today, was terrible. I'm feeling really stressed. Not sure why. Oh, wait, had to deal with finances this week. Tomorrow will be better.

The 25th: weigh in: 235 lb. Wow. Didn't expect that. One SEAL puppy rep. One-mile walk, 25 minutes, yes, it's that kind of week, with a total of 100 minutes. Half. It's okay. I knew it would be a tough week.

The 26th: weigh in: 235 lb. Waist circumference: 40". Sigh. It's okay. It was a rough week. Actually, it was a pretty rough week, so I did really good. A lot was going on, and I felt out of control most of the past week. In fact, yesterday, was the first day in over a week when I was careful about what I ate. Yep, only made half the 200 minutes, but I did make half. Today, I start again. I will do this.

Note: Just woke up from a three hour nap, 11 am to 2pm. I may be sick. I hope not.