Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Sharing an email...

This was posted at Lucy Monroe's blog. (I hope she doesn't mind me stealing it and passing it a long.)

Do you get lots of emails telling you not to eat this or spend your money on that? I received the following in an email from a friend...I thought it was hysterical! Hope you can relate.....

Thank you for the educational emails.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan

I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up $2.00 coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician . . .

Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

2 comments:

  1. LOL! OH man, this is too funny. I usually delete anything like that. I just can't manage the time to read it. Drives me nuts. And you didn't catch me with the mouse thing, but only because I'm on my laptop, in bed. LOL. Too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wasn't caught with the mouse either, but I've read most of these at one time or another, and seeing them all in one place made me laugh. Glad I was able to share the funny.

    ReplyDelete

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