Bah humbug. :-)
Laundry was done. Made chocolate chip cookies. Worked on a couple of projects. Tried not to think about my change in work status. Did a bit of honest reflecting. I'm struggling with trusting God. I want to trust Him. I do. What's not to trust in the One who is all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving? And yet, a part of me does not. I keep circling back to my counselor's last inadvertent can of worms. He thought we were on the same page. I'll never forget the jaw-drop look on his face when he said, "You don't know what it is to be secure." Nope. Haven't a clue. So, I'm learning as I go. Sometimes, I think I'm doing pretty good, and other times it's like having a boulder on top of me that I can't move. I've learned to wait out those boulders. A new day will come. Sometimes it brings a respite; sometimes it doesn't. I actually accomplished quite a lot, today. But there has been that underlying hum of fear that does not go away, ever. That being said, I am not giving up. Giving up simply isn't in my nature, or at least it doesn't seem to be. I'm no one's idea of successful or "together," but God didn't ask that of me. He has only asked that I don't give up on Him, and not for Him but for me.
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I think between you and your sister, that man got a lot of jaw dropping moments....
ReplyDeleteYes, he did. Bless him.
ReplyDeleteYou sound Irish. I've always ascribed my 'morose' moments to my Irish heritage. Waiting for the next boulder to fall. Even an umbrella wouldn't help.
ReplyDeleteYet - I have discovered, over the years, that I'm got ancestors who crossed the ocean in the hold of a 'famine ship.' And others who have crossed the American plains in a covered wagon.
I try to think of them, and their blood that runs through me, when times get tough. I also believe - frantically - that God knows what He's doing.
LOL!! A wee bit of Irish, more Scotch, even more Welsh, adding up to more than half Celtic, plus a few other odd bits and pieces. A very pragmatic lot, I think; they've had to endure a great deal.
ReplyDeleteYes, God knows what He is doing, I simply wish that He'd let me in on the secret more often. I really hate it when I'm going along, and suddenly feel that "turn right, HERE!!!" :-)