Thank Goodness It's Sunday #41

~Rain is good. We need rain. Blessedly, there was no lightening and no power outage.

~Reading contest entries are read, rated, and ready to be submitted. Whew.

~Racing season has officially started!! Whoohoo! And Carl came in second!! It was a fantastic race in Daytona!

~Retreated mostly this week. Sometimes, it's a good idea to step back and re-evaluate. God has kindly blessed me with friends who are supportive and understanding.

~Recommitting to follow where God leads. It isn't easy, especially when it doesn't fit what many others think is the best path. It's scary to turn your life over to God, with no clue as to what the next step might be. I know too well that God does not always deliver us. I often joke with my sister that God doesn't really care if we live or die because He sees the bigger picture, the completed tapestry, the beginning from the end. Whatever we suffer He knows. I do believe He weeps with us because His compassion is all encompassing. But that doesn't change the truth that in our suffering and tribulation God sees possibilities beyond our imagining. Where do I find any comfort in all that? I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that we are never, ever alone. God is always near. We may turn away. We may shun Him. But He is ever faithful. It is who He is. He is everywhere, so how could we ever be alone? Now, I freely admit that there are times when I don't hear Him, but that is because I don't understand the message. Before I gained my personal testimony of God, I often felt alone, empty. Now, the loneliness I feel is about my feeling of being cut off by my own lack of understanding. Even as I berate myself for this or that mistake, I sense God's loving presence, waiting me out, eternally patient with me, until I "wind down," and acknowledge Him. Perhaps all this upheaval in my life is God's way of giving me a gentle shake, that 2x4 I asked for. My future seems terribly bleak and uncertain, right now. I'll not be taking my annual California trip because canceling is practical, my finances/job situation being what they are. Perhaps what this week has really been about is me mourning. I go to L.A. twice a year, only for a weekend. I quietly refer to them as my health vacations. It's a relief to escape the constant need to be on guard. They remind me what is healthy, sustain me, and strengthen me for the next six months, until I'm able to return again for another weekend of sanity. I've been admitting, this week, I'm angry with God about a few things, and this is one more. The frustration of believing I'm following God's will and having the ground fall away and all the doors close and not a window in sight. That being said, I still believe in God. I still turn to God. I still ask God, "What next?" So, okay, God, what next?