"Anything that can go wrong, will—at the worst possible moment." Murphy was an optimist.
My career is essentially over. Every person I know in my field is either losing their work or have already lost it. We all have to find a completely new career path. I have one doctor left, but he will retire a few years earlier than planned because of all the new regulations. I'm grateful that I have a few years left with him, but it isn't enough to live on without dipping into savings. Thank you, God, for reminding me that it's okay to mourn this loss, and please bless me with the courage to follow the path You seem to have set before me.
It's that time of the month, two weeks late. Almost as if my body were waiting for the most vulnerable moment. Thank you, God, for blessing me with a sense of humor, and please God, simply help me make it through without being completely unreasonable.
My internet connection goes down, almost every day. Only for a minute or two, though the time grows longer each day, until I call COX and their automated system resets everything. Called COX, and they're sending someone out, tomorrow. I have to re-arrange my room, so they have access. I bought a brand new modem from the last COX tech that came out, in December. They'll have to check the connections and the wiring, but if it's the wiring in the house, it will cost me. I've been with COX for nine years, and right now, I'm thinking of switching providers. I do have to have the internet, for work and for my sanity. Thank you, God, for the wonder of the internet, and how it connects me to my friends, and please, God, provide a secure connection that I don't have to worry about for a while.
My phone battery is dying. I'm now having to recharge every few days instead of once a week, so it's going to mean a trip to the phone store soon. Hopefully, it won't cost anything to replace it, or very little. Thank you, God, for the phone that connects me to friends, and please God, I need something that costs the same or even a little bit less expensive.
And I simply can't afford to go to L.A., this month, not without a secure source of income anywhere in sight, not in good conscience. I think this makes me want to cry more than anything else. It's my opportunity to recharge and re-center myself. It's a terrible thing being fiscally responsible. I'm going to have to figure out another way to recharge that doesn't cost anything, but I plan to go in the fall. Thank you, God, for all the wonderful trips, in the past, and please God, I'll have a viable income soon so I can resume traveling the places I want to visit, including L.A., Tampa, ALEP, and... so many friends to visit!
Do I see a pattern? Oh, yes, I do. I've decided to step out in faith, and my world seems to explode. It's a familiar pattern. If Job can live through it, so can I. Please God, no boils. I think the monthly curse is quite enough. And please, God, shore up my courage. I'll settle for a clear mind in a few days. Life is what it is, and I know my shortcomings. God knows them, too, and how to work around them, so to speak. Thanks God.
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Brain Dump
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YOU WILL PREVAIL! Do you have any ideas of what you want to do for work? Also, I'm very sorry about the LA trip. It probably feels like adding insult to injury but God is on your side.
ReplyDeletePsalms 46:1-3
1. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah
I'm really learning to embrace God as my strength. I'm a writer. I have a manuscript ready for submitting, and two others I'm preparing, and two more for which I have ideas percolating. I know I'm going to hear, "You can't make money at that!" Maybe, maybe not, but I'm not making money right now either, so the difference is? At least I'm not sitting around on my hands, and I'm not taking anything from the government (as a private contractor I don't qualify for unemployment). According to all the statistics they quote on the news about how unemployment is going down, I don't count as one of the unemployed, neither do all my peers that were self-employed and aren't anymore because of the new regulations. Yes, I'm still irritated by all that nonsense. Okay, here it is: I would still be employed, doing something I truly enjoyed doing, if not for the new health care regulations. There, I've said it. Plain, to the point. Now, I need to let it go, and say instead, I have a new opportunity to pursue my writing full time, which is a good thing because I spend 10-12 hours a day (sometimes 7 days a week) writing. I need to learn to pace myself better, but that will take practice like anything else. And I truly am looking forward to it.
ReplyDeletePraying with you that your courage remains fully shored up, in spite of all you are facing. <3
ReplyDeleteThanks, Margaret!
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks, Kathy, for your encouragement, too. I re-read my reply to you and realized I'd forgotten. Want to be better about being grateful.
Have you looked at working at banner as a Pharm Tech or billing? You know all the drug names already! :) You are in my prayers... and things will all work out in the end... it is just how and when that makes trusting in Him so hard. If you need a "staycation" we can always have another cross stitching day...
ReplyDeleteThanks EmmySue! I've thought of that except for my problem with switching numbers. I have the unfortunate gift for being able to look at a number, see it in my head, say it out loud, and still write it down wrong. I do believe things will work out. A cross stitching day might be fun... The pillow isn't finished yet. :-)
ReplyDelete