There was a cutesy sign going round FaceBook, last week. I saw it, and hated it, and couldn't figure out why everyone was cheering it. I also couldn't figure out why I hated it so much. "You never make the same mistake twice, because the second time it's a choice."
I read responses of "Right on!" "Yes!" "This is so true." My first thought was "Someone has an axe to grind." My next thought was "The Truth has no agenda." So what was up with this?
Then it hit me: It is a statement that sets people up to fail.
I've spilled milk more than once, and juice and water and soda pop. So, was the second time, and all the times after that a choice? Excuse me? And yes, I've actually asked the question and been told, "Oh no, that was a new mistake because it wasn't the same milk/juice/water/pop." Whatever.
There are a lot of "mistakes" that were a choice the first time: hitting, name-calling, lying, rape, stealing, cheating, murder... a whole bunch of things are choices, the first time, even though people will excuse them as mistakes. The question is: Will I accept personal responsibility for my actions?
I'm working on it.
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What a lame sentence. And it does seem crafted to make people think, "Right on! Yay" It speaks to our sense of wanting to exert power and not screw up. That, in itself, is understandable. But as you wisely said, yes, we do make mistakes more than once.
ReplyDeleteWe're humans. We do odd things, we're clumsy, we don't pay attention sometimes and walk into walks, we trip, we spill juice, we call someone by the wrong name, we do all sorts of funny little things and that's OK. We also do a heck of a lot of brilliant, wonderful things, too.
I saw that sign, too, and found myself not caring for it. In some ways, I suppose, it could be true -- depending on how one defines mistake. Though perhaps not! What you say about "mistakes" that are actually choices is really true. People break the law and then say sorry, I made a mistake, are really making a choice. I bet that's what the sign is actually talking about, in which case, it's wrong from the get-go.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me think of something that occurred in the recent Packers vs. Vikings football game. After a play, a Vikings player on the ground kicked a Packers player in the groin -- missed the first time, hit home the second time, and then went for a third before he realized the ref was standing right there watching the whole thing. He was flagged for a personal foul, of course. The thing is, it seemed pretty obvious that it was done on purpose, yet the fellow goes on Twitter later and says it was an accident. He apologized and the Packer accepted it, but it was no accident, nor was it a mistake. It was a choice, three times over.
What I didn't like about that sign on FB is that it makes no allowances for true mistakes that happen all the time -- like spilling or dropping something or any number of accidents that happen just because they do. Such things ought to be allowed for, without having the label of "choice" put on it. Once that label is attached, it turns into a judgment rather than someone just having an "oops" moment.
If such a sign helps someone break a bad habit that actually started as something innocuous and ending up being a series of bad choices, then well and good. But otherwise, it's just another platitude that actually makes people feel worse than better.
Thanks, Kiki, for pointing out how amazing people are, despite our mistakes. :-)
ReplyDeleteWow, Margaret. I missed that. Any excuse will do, I suppose, or not.
Hmmm - I've thought about trips and general clumsiness, for I happen to be 'blessed' with such a life. Do I try to intentionally hurt myself? Is that what this is saying?
ReplyDeleteI find that some things are caused by nature itself.
When a child is growing, the center of gravity changes. Truly! When you're one height and one weight and then change in a matter of days/months, as little ones do, then the center of gravity changes.
It takes awhile to get used to a new center of gravity. The body has to learn to walk differently. To bend lower. To squeeze through.
When you hurt yourself or have a debilitating illness, your center of gravity changes because you walk differently to compensate. etc, etc,
Does this not 'excuse' you when you fall? When you hit your head on a ceiling? When you bump into a corner?
I give myself breaks all the time. Perhaps my emotional center of gravity has changed. Perhaps my spiritual center of gravity has changed.
Accidents don't happen. IMHO. Life does and I try to roll with it. I try to give myself a break. I try to love myself even when I've changed.
Fantastic perspective, Sharron. Thanks so much for sharing it. I hadn't thought about one's spiritual center of gravity changing, and yet it makes perfect sense as we strengthen our faith. As we change, the goal is to become who we are meant to be, and becoming who we are meant to be is God's plan for us. God is Love. Love is at the very core of each of us. The question is do we embrace that love or push it away.... I really need to learn to embrace that love.
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