Week Four of REAL...

I'm going to try something new with REAL. It's the 15th, and I weighed in at 239 lb. Reflecting on the posts of the last couple of days, I'm realizing that I really am hiding. I've submitted an application for my dream job, and I'm waiting to hear back. I'm trying to keep my hopes from floating off into the stratosphere. It could be a few months before I hear anything. In the meantime, I'm keeping busy.

It's the 16th, and I weighed in at 240 lb, again. I also didn't sleep well, last night. I watched my DVD Inception. It was an interesting premise. I don't care for stories that don't have a proper ending. It's like letting rats loose in my brain, as I try to puzzle it out, when there is nothing to puzzle out. I did perform my physical therapy, today. I truly do try to keep that up, but I manage to remember for a few days, and then I forget. Maybe keeping track here will help.

The 17th, and weigh in is 239.2 lb. I slept 12 hours. I suspect I'm not well. When my friend called, my voice kept disappearing. I've decided to take a different perspective, one I've known I ought to pursue for some time but haven't had the courage. I've come to realize something about myself. I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I am afraid of being wrong. So, I'll explore my experiment and report after it succeeds or fails. And strangely enough, I don't consider failure being wrong. I know that you can do everything right and fail. What would be wrong would be to accept failure as final.

The 18th, and weigh in is 239.2 lb. I slept six hours, went for a one-mile walk, did my physical therapy, and started a new exercise routine, which is a frail shadow of the SEAL basics, baby SEAL? Infant SEAL? Okay, a pretend SEAL.

The 19th, and weigh in is 239.4 lb. I slept only four hours. Last night, I was caught up in a book and wanted to finish, but finally realized I wasn't going to without staying up even later. I made a choice, and decided I could finish the book in the morning. When I woke, I felt an electrical burst of pain in the heel of my foot. I wanted to rub it to make it stop; reminding myself that I was lying on my back, the pain was probably a pinched nerve, so I needed to move. I'd had a mild headache for days, and then reminded myself that SEALs take ibuprofen, so I did. You do what you gotta do. Yes, I understand I will never be a SEAL, not in any way, shape, or form, but the basic information, I figure, is sound. I started today with my CIB (Carnation Instant Breakfast), and my itty-bitty SEAL routine, finishing with my physical therapy. Before 11:00 AM, I did another ittty-bitty SEAL routine and physical therapy. Lunch is done. A nap called. Unfortunately, I woke to a nightmare. Fortunately, my BFF called, and pulled me from it.

The 20th, and weigh in is 241.4 lb. Waist circumference: 42". How discouraging. Slept really badly. I had trouble settling down, and then woke to odd dreams, which are better than nightmares. One-mile walk, two reps of my miniscule SEAL routine, and physical therapy. In the early afternoon, I did two more reps, and physical therapy. DIdn't want to nap, even though I'm tired. No more dreams, please. Maybe instead of a pretend SEAL, I'm a SEAL wannabe, a SEAL pup... puppy? SEAL puppy? I kind of like that.

The 21st, and weight in is 241.6. Not a good trend, but not beating myself up because I can't remember ever having so much fun with exercise. I simply had to do my puppy SEAL routine this morning, though I only did it once, but while I was at it, I went ahead and did my physical therapy, too. I was asleep by 10:30 last night, but woke at 3 AM. Fortunately, I was able to go back to sleep, but didn't want to wake when the wake-call came at 5:30 a.m. Took a one-hour nap, and woke feeling significantly better. I also put my contacts in, today. I try to take regular breaks from them. Considering my age, and the fact that I still don't need reading glasses, oh, and my eyesight has actually improved since my first ophthalmologist appointment, in my mid 20s, I must be doing something right.

It's always fun to make a client laugh. I called and said, "I'm desperate. What are 'scerms' and how do you spell it?" The laughter went on for quite a while. Glad I could amuse. SKRM ~ Selective Kinase Response Modulator. Oh. Yea, that's definitely going in my personal dictionary.